Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

On Allowing 

Whether we allow it, or not
Life moves through us. 

Events happen. 

We are changed. 

When we cease resisting, we Allow,
and the flow of Life and Change THROUGH us,
is not impeded. 
It does not get stuck
in our muscles and bones. 
It moves. 

We shake and tremble. But we do not stop the flow, 
so it doesn’t stop us. 
This is why we cannot resist sleep.
Our KNOWINGNESS gets us out of the way for a while. 
And sleep is fine. 
So is conscious relaxation into life. 
So is conscious allowing. 
So is conscious accepting.
This is Loving What Is. 
This is Loving Our Selves. 
This is Love. 

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What do you believe about yourself and the world?

We all have core beliefs through which we define ourselves. These are largely established by living life and are in place by time we are seven years old. Once they are set, we seem to attract — sometimes as if by magic, sometimes as if cursed — life experiences that validate them.

Past Dictating Present and Future

Long ago, we integrated both empowering and limiting messages into our very being.

  • You’re the smart one.
  • You’re so lazy!
  • Nothing you do is ever good enough!
  • We always get by.
  • There is not enough.

Recognizing how these beliefs influence us, we can decide to be mindful when speaking to and interacting with our children, as they establish their own core beliefs. There is no need to approve of or permit every action. We can notice and love what is good in our children. We can be curious about behaviors that we do not understand.

Before we react to our children’s actions and words, we can decide to consider the possibility that there is a reason for the behavior we are seeing. We can strive to understand. Observing without judgement and with curiosity can be life changing.

I Recognize a Limiting Belief

Earlier this year, I noticed that I have not been meeting my goals for a long time. “I used to be so Type-A,” I lamented to a friend. “I finished everything! Even things I didn’t like.” As I trailed off, a light bulb went off over my head.

A-ha! That was it! Throughout my childhood, adolescence, and early adult life, I had accomplished almost everything I set out to do. The strongest and longest-lasting example is that I persevered (persiverated?) through a college curriculum that perplexed and terrified me. This resulted in a degree in a field that did not interest me. Which led to jobs I did not enjoy.

I finally learned my lesson: Working hard gives me what I don’t want anyway. So, I will not work hard.

Now what?

Once we recognize the repeating patterns in our in lives, we can change them. Processes such as Matrix Reimprinting with EFT offer simple and effective ways to change.  (I teach the Core Belief Reimprinting process during my seven week Swan Mothers Circle.)

When I recognized that I believed that hard work gave me what I don’t want, I worked with my Matrix Reimprinting practitioner to find old stories that supported this belief. I began working with the Core Belief Process. And I am learning to work joyfully and consistently at that which matters to me.

Curious what I’m working on? I’m writing a fiction trilogy called The Weaving Gold Chronicles. I’d love to know what you’re up to.

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Stimming as Spiritual Practice

In Autism and the God ConnectionWilliam Stillman correlates “autistic repetitious activities — which can increase serotonin production leading to states of altered consciousness — with identical activities deliberately engaged for spiritual gratification by those of religious standing: Gregorian chants, reciting the Rosary, the ecstasies of the whirling Sufi dervishes, shamanic drumming ceremonies, and the rhythmic rituals of certain tribes. It is incongruent that such spiritual repetition equals mantra, but autistic repetition equals stimming.”

Following up on my post from last week, Autism as Meditation, I invite you to view the two videos linked below. Consider how our ideas about what we are seeing and hearing define it as spiritual practice or disorder.

Whirling to Touch the Divine

“Whirling is a way to reconnect with a deeper nature inside ourselves,” announces the speaker in the video linked below.

Sufi Whirling

Autistic Girl Spinning

When autistic children spin, it is “obsessive-compulsive behavior.”  An undesirable stim.  Just plain weird.

Autistic Girl Spinning Beauty

It’s all how you look at it.

If you are noticing that you have beliefs about your autistic or neurodiverget child that you want to change, here’s how.

1.  Make a list of what you believe about your child (or yourself.) You may include items such as:

  • My life will always be difficult (with this child).
  • My child does a lot of really weird stuff.
  • My child will never _______________.
  • My child always _______________.
  • I’m a bad parent (because ________________).

2.  Give each statement a validity rating on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is not true at all and 10 is very true or very intense.

This is a subjective, internal rating of the intensity of feeling you have about the truth of the statement.  When you ask yourself, “How true is this for me?” write down the number that pops into your head.
3.  Use the basic EFT recipe to begin shifting the hold these beliefs have on you.

Do a round (or more) of tapping using as many of the following phrases. Modify the statements or add your own to accommodate your own individual feelings.

  • Even though my life will always be difficult, I’m still a good person.
  • Even though my child will never ________, I can love him AND myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m a bad parent because I _________, I’m doing my best and that’s enough for now.
  • Even though my child always _________ and it’s so (frustrating, embarrassing, painful), I choose to love her and myself anyway.

4.  After a few rounds of tapping, give each statement a validity rating again.

Are your feelings less intense or more? As you tapped, did memories or feelings come up? If yes, you can continue tapping on these new feelings. If the memories or feelings are very intense, breathe deeply, imagining the breath flowing into your heart. Stop tapping if this feels right. 

5.  If the feelings are less intense, look at the statements again.

Consider how you can begin shifting your beliefs. Start small! Choose something positive and new that you can believe and that you can see relatively quickly. Perhaps you can envision your child putting on one article of clothing without protest or allowing you to place a new food on his plate. If you don’t believe that your child will get dressed easily, can you believe that there is a possibility that she will be more cooperative.

6.  Continue to believe a new impossible thing every day.

Need help changing how you see your child?

I offer a support group and coaching that shows you how. 

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Autism as Meditation

They gaze into the distance or lose themselves in focusing on some object. Their concentration is intense without being strained. Sometimes, they make strange movements with their hands as they chant the same mantra over and over. We may not understand what we see when  we watch monks in deep meditation, yet we are awed. Why then, when our autistic children engage in similar behaviors, do we despair?

  • Why won’t she look at me?
  • Why is he doing that thing with his hands?
  • Can’t she be still for a minute?
  • Why does he have to repeat the same phrase over and over?
  • It’s like she’s not even here!

In The Autism PropheciesWilliam Stillman writes “…if we always presume the competence of the person within, the non-verbal individual with autism exists in a perpetual state of meditation – always pondering, reflecting, considering, processing, and very carefully observing.”

Shifting Our Perspective

We have a strong sense of how things should be in the world. We know how people are supposed to behave. We know how children should develop.

When our children deviate from the shoulds and supposed tos, we hasten to set them back on the worn path that people have walked for millennia. It is human nature to want to fit in. Belonging to a group and demonstrating our usefulness to it was once essential to survival. Rejection from the group meant almost certain death.

Interestingly, as humanity evolved, it was not those who fit in but those who stood out that are remembered.

A Facebook friend recently posted: “Ludwig van Beethoven, Albert Einstein, Emily Dickinson, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Isaac Newton, Nikola Tesla, and Vincent Van Gogh were all autistic.”

We can’t posthumously diagnose these people with autism, but one thing is certain: All those who devoted their lives to doing what everyone else did are long forgotten. We remember and venerate individuals who deviated from the norm.  In their own times, they were considered odd and eccentric. Their ideas and talents were often scorned. Today, they are recognized for their genius.

As we consider the possibility that our children’s differentness is an asset, our view of them and ourselves begins to change.

If we teach every child to focus on compassion for one hour, once a week, we could end all violence in one generation.

The Dalai Lama

It appears that our autistic and uniquely magnificent children already have this focus. We can learn from them.

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Shame and Guilt in Autism Parenting

I didn’t know so many things. I did not know that life could be difficult for a newborn. I did not know that a baby cried to tell me something. I did not know how to nourish a child who gagged from looking at food.

Parenting leaves long trail of pebbles of guilt and shame in its wake. Parenting autistic or challenging children leaves a trail of boulders when we lack knowledge and support for being the parents our children need.

Ignorance is Not Bliss

At one point, one of the most difficult aspects of parenting was feeding Daniel. It started from my first attempts to transition him to solid food. He was happy breastfeeding. Happy sitting in a high-chair at the table. When Ellana was his age, I began feeding her pureed vegetables, carefully introducing one at a time just as the baby books instructed. All went well with her eating.

Daniel, was not intersted in the pureed peas. Or the sweet potato mash. Or the apple sauce.

I decided he just was not ready to eat solids and waited a few weeks and offered some food again. Eventually, he ate small amounts of solids.

As he got older, his food repertoire became smaller instead of increasing. He was not growing along the growth curve the doctor’s office provided, but steadily dropping lower and lower in the percentages. I was scared and worried. What was I doing wrong? Why wouldn’t he eat?

Diagnosis, Not Solutions

Somewhere along the way, we realized he was autistic and obtained a diagnosis. This provided a piece of information, but not peace of mind. I continued to worry about his food intake.

At three and four years old, he would look at the plate of food I set before him and immediately begin gagging. When he refused to eat the foods before him, I would wrap my left arm around both of his arms and torso and use my right hand to shove food into his mouth. I hated doing this and was terrified that if I did not, he would starve. Sometimes, once he accepted that first bite of food that I forcibly held in his mouth, he happily ate all that was on his plate. This made me think I had to continue feeding him this way.

Finding a Better Way

Eventually, I learned how to feed him in a way that felt good for him and me. Read how in When Your Child Won’t Eat:  Help for Resistant Eaters.

Even though I now recognize that this was part of our journey, part of learning and growing together, I wish I had known then, what I know now. I wish I knew now, what I will know in a decade.

I share this story to encourage you to seek out options in difficult situations. There is a way to manage that is kinder to your child and less heart-wrenching for you.

Be gentle with your child. And be gentle with yourself.

Need help for escaping the yucky feelings?  We work on that in the Loving Life with Uniquely Magnificent Children teleseminar.

Clearing Guilt Over a Situation or Behavior

Two days after I published the above, I came across this wonderful method by Lilia Birem.  I am adding it here with Lilia’s permission.  Please check out her blog.

Did you do or say something that you regret and feel guilty about? Something you wish you could go back in time to undo, cancel, change?

1) Locate in your body the vibration of guilt, along with the picture of the situation stuck in your head that you wish to cancel, forgive, and transmute.

2) Pull that vibration and picture out of you and p…ut it all into a bubble.

3) Place your hands close to the bubble and start infusing it with the energy of Compassion. What color is compassion for you?

4) Continue to infuse your bubble with Compassion while repeating the name of God over and over again (pick the word(s) that resonates best with you).

5) Continue until the bubble pops! All is now vanished.

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Super-Easy Homeopathy to Stop the Flu in Its Tracks

One of the trees in my front yard has already dropped all of its leaves. Others are still green. The burning bush shrubs are turning red. The nights are cool. The days are crisp. Autumn, my favorite season, has arrived.

For many people, autumn is also the start of cold and flu season. Already, I have heard of whole families affected by strep throat, vomiting, colds, and other malaise.

No one likes to be sick. When our autistic and neurodivergent children get sick, they may be particularly upset by the change in routine. They might fall behind in school work and miss therapy sessions. And mothers certainly don’t have time to be sick. Both parents and children want to be healthy and feel good.

Homeopathy for Stopping the Flu Before It Starts

Homeopathic remedies, taken at the first sign of the flu or sickness are extremely effective. The sooner you take them, the sooner you will feel well. Plan ahead and purchase the remedies you will need.

What to Buy

Aconite in the 200c potency.

Oscillococcinum 200.

Prevention is the Best Medicine

Common Sense for Staying Healthy

1.      Wash hands with soap and water when coming home from school, work, or shopping.

Do not rely on sanitizers. Sanitizers kill germs – but then you rub the dead bacteria and viruses into your skin. The ethyl alcohol in the sanitizer enhances absorption. This means that anything mixed with it will move through the skin and into the bloodstream more easily. (Everyone say “Eewe!” and head to the sink.)

2.      Drink plenty of water.

3.      Eat nourishing foods such as home-made soups and stews.

4.      Relax when stressed. Remember to take cell salts and to use EFT to keep stress levels low.

5.      Sleep when tired.

Preventing Flu with Homeopathic Remedies

Before Exposure

Take one dose of oscillococcinum 200 per week during flu season.

Even though the vials say to take the whole vial, I do not find this necessary. One tube should yield at least four doses and could easily be many more. Simply pour a few pellets into the mouth without touching the vial to the mouth OR pour a few pellets into a teaspoon and then place them in the mouth

  • Take all remedies in a clean mouth.  Do not eat, drink, smoke or brush teeth 15 minutes before or after taking remedies.

Known Exposure to Flu, No Symptoms

Take one dose of oscillococcinum 200 by pouring a few pellets into the mouth without touching the vial to the mouth.

First Sign of Feeling Ill

As soon as you feel the chill or scratchy throat that is your sign that you are getting sick, put a few aconite pellets in the cap and toss them in your mouth. Carry your vial of aconite 200 with you so that you can take it (or give it to your children) at the very first sign of sickness.

Repeat every 30 minutes for up to four doses.  Stop taking the remedy as soon as symptoms improve.

If you still feel ill or as if you are becoming ill after four doses, take a dose of oscillococcinum and follow the suggestions below.

Supportive Remedies and Actions

1.      If at all possible, go home and go to bed as soon as you start to feel sick. The remedies are very powerful but it is also important to listen to your body. When the body says, “Rest!” obey.

Mothers: This is the time to enlist the help of grandmothers, electronic babysitters, and whomever and whatever else can help. By resting early, you will heal more quickly and be able to return to full mommy-power quickly.

2.     Keep children home from school. Teachers, classmates and parents will be grateful that you did not share your flu. Your child will enjoy some special attention. Most importantly, you will demonstrate the importance of listening to his or her own body and honoring its needs.

3.      Drink water, herbal teas, and bone broths to stay hydrated and to nourish your body.

4.      Swallow or eat raw garlic. Garlic has anti-viral and anti-bacterial properties. Consuming raw garlic is very helpful when your throat feels raw and sore.

5.      Take immune boosting herbs such as echinacea and astragulus. My favorite brand is Herbs for Kids. Their herbs are sweet and pleasant to take.

6.      Support your body with cell salts. Take cell salts three times per day for a least one week after the first sign of flu or cold.

Wishing you a healthy winter.

In matters of health and healing, be fanatical about self-responsibility. Cell Salts and homeopathic remedies enable you to participate actively in your own healing. At the same time, you should continue to see your doctor for examinations, advice and treatment. Nothing on this site is intended as a substitute for medical advice.

Reference

Bill Cosby on Oscillococcinum

” .. A secret ingredient to his recovery is Oscillococcinum… his wife turned him on to alternative health when they moved to Los Angeles in the mid- 1960s… But he says he’s trying to spread the gospel on Oscillococcinum.

I’ve learned to pronounce Oscillococcinum because so many people don’t know anything about it,’…If you call people and they say, ‘Oh, man, I’m coming down with…,’ you tell them ‘Go to the drug store and get that box. It’s the only medicine with a lot of S’s and a lot of C;s in the first word….

They call back. ‘Did you get it?’ ‘No I haven’t gone yet.; They’re wheezing and sneezing and have a headache. ‘Here, hang up the phone and go.’ And they still don’t go. Why? ‘Because I don’t know how to pronounce it.’ So it becomes very, very funny and you get frustrated because you know it’s going to work.”

“Bill Cosby on colds: Not so funny; Comedian swears by French formula,” by Bruce Fessier, The Desert Sun, Palm Springs, CA, February 11, 2010

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Self-Care for Mothers: Be Your Own Top Priority for a Few Minutes a Day

Why is it so easy to be smart about other people and so difficult to be smart for ourselves? 

My upper foot arm has been hurting since May. I waited two months before seeking healing assistance or doing anything about it.

If my children or husband announce a pain, I immediately pull out homeopathic remedies and research the symptoms. I suggest a visit to the chiropractor or a healer. For myself? I ignore symptoms and wait.  Yikes!

 

 

Taking Yourself Off the Back Burner

On an airplane, we are directed to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others. We cannot help our children if we are not breathing. How often to you forget to metaphorically breathe? 

The list of things we have to do is long. We cook, shop, drive, bath, conflict-mediate, drive some more, clean, coach, cuddle, coddle. We volunteer at school and scouts and soccer and do our day jobs.

Taking care of ourselves falls to the bottom of the list.

When we do not care for ourselves, resentment builds. We wonder why no one is taking care of us. Why should they when we demonstrate our Wonder Woman-ness all the time, subtly declaring, “I’ve got it! I can do that for you. I’m not important. I don’t need anything .”

Victim to Creator in 10-minutes per Day

You can do all of these exercises in one 10-minute stretch or do them one at a time throughout the day.

1 Minute:  Do the Thymus Thump.

Using your fingers, tap gently on the middle of your chest, directly on your sternum. While you tap, breathe slowly and deeply.

This exercise will stimulate your energies, boost your immune system, and release stress.

It really works. Try it now for 30 – 60 seconds and feel yourself come alive.

2 Minutes:  Breathe

Over-recommended and under-utilized, breath is the surest, easiest way to center and calm yourself.  Breath takes you out of the stressful fight or flight mode we live in much of the time and shifts the physiological processes in the body. Conscious breathing

  • increases ability to digest/absorb nutrients
  • releases hormones to balance the endocrine system
  • promotes healing

Imagine that your abdomen is a cylindrical container. Breathe in through your nose. For a count of three, feel the bottom of the cylinder pushing down. Continue to breathe in for a count of three more as you feel the sides of the cylinder expand. Continue to breathe in for a count of three more as you feel the top of the cylinder push up. Reverse for the exhale: top pushes down, sides push in, bottom pushes up. Continue for two minutes or at least until you have completed three full breaths in and out.

3 Minutes:  Connect with the World

In Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., writes, “…many times it is the things of nature that are the most healing, especially the very accessible and the very simple ones. The medicines of nature and powerful and straightforward…”

Take three minutes to go outside. Gaze at the stars or the clouds. Lay down on the grass. Sniff the air. Feel the warmth of the sun or the chill of the night.

Three minutes immersed in the enormity and continuance of the world will connect you to a force that will sustain and inspire you when you return to your ordinary busyness.

4 Minutes:  Write a List of Positive Aspects

Most days, we do a lot of things right. Most days our children and partners and those around us do something that uplifts us. In every day, there is something good.

Oprah and a hundred other people extol the value of gratitude lists and journals. This is because we find what we seek. If you look for the good in your children and those around you, you will see it.

Buy a journal and label it “Book of Positive Aspects.”  Each day, take four minutes to write down a few satisfactory things about you day. Can’t think of anything? Take a minute to breathe in and out of your heart and try again. ♥

  • What you did well.
  • Things you appreciate about your children and your partner.
  • Great features of your home or work life.

If you prefer group support, visit My Everyday Magic, a daily gratitude blogs hosted and visited by beautiful people. 

That’s it! By doing these four simple exercises, you will be your own top priority for at least ten minutes each day.  The good feelings you generate will overflow into the rest of the day.

In matters of health and healing, be fanatical about self-responsibility. Check facts and carefully evaluate if suggestions are right for you and your children.

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Super-Easy Homeopathy for Boosting Kids’ Confidence

“I’m the worst reader in the class,” Sara announced mid-first grade. “I’m just dumb.”

Sara’s mother was heart-broken hearing her six-year old say these words. Sara was a polite, kind, and obviously intelligent girl. Yet, because she saw other children reading chapter books while she struggled with simple readers, she had become convinced that she was stupid.

Another child might have shrugged off her lack of reading skills with, “Oh well.  I’m really good at soccer. I’ll figure out reading one of these days.” For Sara, the conviction that she was inferior to her peers carried over to other parts of her life. She walked around with her head hanging. She decided that she was also a bad dancer and that no one wanted to play with her.

Why do some children move through set-backs and while others are intensely affected? Because we are born with different personalities and constitutions. Our distinctive ways of being influence our mental, emotional and physical responses to stress.

Homeopathic philosophy recognizes and honors our individual responses to stress and homeopathic remedies support children during difficult stages of growth and development.

Choosing a Remedy to Boost Confidence

Consider the remedies below and determine if one of them matches many characteristics of your child. No child will have every characteristic listed. These lists provide only a brief overview of the remedy picture.

Baryta Carb

Shy and nervous children who find social situations difficult. They lack self-confidence and are emotionally immature. They tend to be naïve and mentally sluggish.

  • Anxious
  • Bites fingernails
  • Concentration difficult
  • Easily embarrassed
  • Fearful in social situations and of strangers
  • Thinks everyone is laughing at him
  • Delayed intellectual development
  • Poor appetite, poor sleep, stunted growth

Lycopodium

Bookish children who dislike sports. They dread taking on new things, though they work hard and do well in spite of their nerves. They worry about many things and lack self-confidence.

  • Mature personality even at a young age
  • Good natured and easy to deal with
  • Aversion to responsibility
  • Worried about doing something wrong
  • Bites fingernails
  • Difficulty learning to read
  • Fear before exams
  • Fear of getting lost
  • Treats people very fairly, dispassionately
  • Kicks and screams at night without waking

Nat Mur

Sensitive, serious, intensely private children who appear prickly because they are not good at expressing their emotions. They suppress their feelings and dwell on old hurts. They are self-conscious.

  • Children who are difficult to have around
  • Life is difficult for them
  • “Don’t touch me!” attitude (works through difficulties alone)
  • Sad, carries a chip on her shoulder
  • Strong sense of duty and commitment to overseeing the welfare of others
  • Bites fingernails in private
  • Cannot hide displeasure
  • May have a poor relationship with one or both parents
  • Difficulty expressing needs and anger with words
  • Also read, Nat Mur:  A Remedy for (Almost) Everybody and Two Cases of Nat Mur

Silica

These children lack grit and self-confidence. They are sensitive and serious.  They will usually give way if pushed, but will quietly do what they wanted to do anyway.

  • Afraid to try anything new because she is convinced that she will fail
  • Anxious before exams
  • Shy around strangers
  • Very attached to home
  • Physically delicate and emotionally sensitive
  • May appear thin and malnourished
  • Conscientious and tidy
  • Asthma
  • Can’t fix attention
  • Conscientious
  • See also Restoring Balance with Cell Salts

Staphysagria

Sensitive children who are easily offended. They are angry and tend to blame others for their difficulties. They lack self-confidence and resent those who are doing better than they.

  • Angry, with difficulty expressing anger
  • Apathetic about everything
  • Compliant, conscientious and hard working
  • Take on too much work because it is hard for them to say no

Choose the remedy that is the best match for your child’s whole picture.

No remedy match?

There are many more homeopathic remedies that may be indicated for your child. If you want a complete consultation that will address all aspects of your child’s health and well-being, please contact a professional homeopath.

You can also take cell salts such as Calc Fluor or Calc Phos to boost self-esteem.

Raising self-confident and self-reliant children is a long-term endeavor. Children grow and learn when parents allow them to discover their own strengths and abilities by doing things on their own. When we choose our words carefully, the praise we offer is healthy, not harmful. When we allow ourselves be flexible and change our own ideas, out children learn and grow.

Update on Sara’s Reading

After a few doses of lycopdium, Sara began to sound out words.  Her mother found a series about a puppy named Biscuit and Sara wanted to read for the first time ever. She also began sleeping better at night.

Six months later, her reading level (as designated by the school protocol) jumped from level 11 to level 21. She is now reading at grade level and enjoying her first chapter books.

Where to Buy and How to Take Homeopathic Remedies

Homeopathic remedies may be purchased at most health food stores or through websites such as 1-800homeopathy. For remedies, select the 30c potency. For the cell salts, select 6x.

To take the remedy, open the remedy vial and shake 3-4 pellets into the cap. Tip the pellets into the mouth without touching the cap to the mouth. Allow the pellets to dissolve in the mouth.

Give your child the remedy every evening at bedtime, at least 15 minutes after eating, drinking, and brushing teeth. Continue for one week. Observe and note any changes. If he or she is doing better overall, stop taking the remedy. If symptoms come back, take the remedy for another week.

If you do not observe positive changes in sleep, digestion, behavior and/or confidence, select a different remedy or consult a homeopath who will guide you in selecting a remedy.

In matters of health and healing, be fanatical about self-responsibility. Cell Salts and homeopathic remedies enable you to participate actively in your own healing and may compliment the care your receive from your physician and therapists. You should continue to see your doctor for examinations and for advice and treatment.  Nothing on this site is intended as a substitute for medical advice.

References for this post:

Homoeopathic Sketches of Children’s Types

Homeopathic Guide to Stress: Safe and Effective Natural Way to Alleviate Physical and Emotional Stress Anxiety, Guilt, Shame, Depression, Loss, Illness and Injury, Negative Effect

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Three 5-Minute Tips for Making the Transition from Summer to School Easier

There is a cool breeze and I’m wearing a sweater for the first time in two months. I won’t need it in another hour. Still, it is a poignant sign that summer is coming to an end. Ready or not, it is time to get ready for school.

After a summer of swimming, hiking, sleeping in, and running around outside, it is time to shift gears. For some children, this transition will be easy. For those who need a little help, I offer these tips.

1.     Give the Bach Flower Essence Walnut.

Flower Essences are liquid tinctures prepared from flowers. Each flower is capable of gently balancing emotional disturbances.

The flower essence for transition is Walnut. It can provide ease and confidence in moving through new situations such as adapting to a new fall schedule.

Also consider these flower essences:

  • Aspen – if your child is experiences fears of unknown origin, general apprehension, or panic attacks
  • Larch – to boost self-confidence
  • Mimulus – if your child has fears of known origin (dogs, going to school, riding the bus)

Bach Flower Essences are available at most health food stores or on-line. Give up to five at the same time by placing two drops of each that is needed in a glass or bottle of water. Have your child sip this mixture throughout the day.

2.     Train the Brain with Movement.

Movements that cross the mid-line develop coordination between the right and left hemispheres of the brain. This helps children with writing, reading, and math. I find that it also improves attention and emotional balance.

One basic move to try is the Cross Crawl. Here’s how:

March in place and touch the right hand to the left knee and then the left hand to the right knee with each step. You can also touch the (opposite) knee to elbow, touch the (opposite) foot behind the back. Continue for three minutes.

For younger children, it is fun to do these moves while singing (or chanting) confidence-building songs. For example, march while singing to the tune of Farmer in the Dell:

My feelings they create,
My feelings they create,
By attracting their own kind,
My feelings they create.

I choose to feel smart.
I choose to feel smart.
Smart — this is the way I am.
I choose to feel smart.

Spend three minutes each morning doing this before your children head out the door or before you start lessons at home. You will be amazed at the difference three minutes can make. (The song is from the book: Joyful Child)

3.     Teach Your Child How to Stay Calm and Focused with Secret Tapping.

Follow the Super-Easy Tapping Guide to learn EFT, a method that can be used to calm down fast.

When I want to quickly regain my balance using EFT with people around, I use an abbreviated method. Omit the tapping points on the face and torso and tap only on the fingers. This handy technique can be used anytime, anywhere.

Teach your children to finger tap now. When school starts, they will have this always-accessible technique “in their pocket” to be used as needed.

They could tap on simple phrases such as:

  • I’m so angry!
  • That’s so unfair!
  • I’m so frustrated!
  • I’ll never understand!
  • I’m so confused.

After a few rounds of tapping on the feeling they are experiencing, teach them to tap in an affirming phrase such as:

  • I’m still o.k.
  • I’m still a great kid.
  • I can like myself!

Bonus Tip

Use cell salts to support health in your child’s body.

Something for Mom, while the children are in school

The next session of the Swan Mothers Circle starts Sept. 23. A circle of friends who understand. Natural help tips for easier living. Support.

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Matrix Magic: Rewriting Old Programs and Becoming the Mother You Want to Be

What don’t you like about yourself? What patterns do you see repeating in your life? How does this affect your parenting – and your happiness?

Broken Promises, Lies and Rejection

Shirley was devastated when her child, adopted at age 12, left for college and no longer wanted anything to do with the rest of the family. Soon after, Shirley was not accepted into a graduate degree program which she felt would have allowed her to develop her life’s passion. Even though she had a supportive family and a blossoming career, Shirley felt squashed by these rejections.

During an EFT session, Shirley realized that she has had a hole in her heart since childhood. Her workaholic father seemed to love his work more than he loved her.

Frustrated and Powerless

While those around her get what they want, Kendra gets more and more frustrated. When she worked in a preschool, the children did not listen to her. Now, her own children seem to ignore her when she speaks or asks for help. She feels unheard and invisible.

While tapping, Kendra recognized that from the time she was a little girl, she has felt as if no one heard her or noticed her needs.

Repeating Patterns

Many people feel scared, betrayed, lonely, and unlovable. For some of us, the source of these feelings is obvious:

  • Childhood abuse
  • Parents who put us down
  • Teachers who shamed us
  • A humiliating incident in our teens

For others, it appears that all was well in our growing-up years, yet we still encounter these feelings.

Whether we know where our feelings originate or the source is a mystery, most of us recognize that there are repeating patterns in our lives. Even if we do not recognize the patterns in our own actions and reactions, we inevitably see them in others.

Our perceptions about ourselves and of how life treats us are reflected in the way we speak and in the way we respond to our children’s behaviors.

Mothers of Autistic Kids

Mothers of autistic children experience more stressful events and have less time for themselves than the average mother. Their levels of maternal cortisol, a hormone released by the adrenal gland in response to stress, were found to be significantly lower than normal. This condition occurs under chronic stress, yielding profiles similar to those of combat soldiers and others who experience constant psychological stress.

When we are under stress, we are most likely to revert to old patterns of speaking and acting. Amazingly, we rely heavily on behaviors acquired before the age of seven.

Changing to Choose Our Behaviors

Using Matrix Reimprinting, you can rewrite old events and change the emotional hold they have on you.

I worked with Shirley and Kendra before I learned Matrix Reimiprinting. While we were able to soften the intensity of those early incidents, I did not have a means to give them tools for changing those painful scenes.

Now, when I work with clients with similar situations, I always use Matrix Reimprinting. For Shirley, we would step into an old scene, work with her younger self (ECHO) and allow her to speak with her father if she so chose. For Kendra, we would tap until a specific incident of feeling unheard emerged. We would then work with her ECHO to find a way to feel her power and strength. By working this way, we change habitual behavior patterns.

When we feel differently about ourselves, we experience the words and actions of our children differently and we respond in a new, healthy way.

Note

It has taken you a lifetime to acquire and cement your current behavior patterns.  Even with a brilliant technique like Matrix Reimprinting, you will not change them in one session.  You can expect the best results by committing to an on-going program of work with a Matrix Reimprinting practitioner and on your own.

References

For Mothers Of Children With Autism, The Caregiving Life Proves Stressful by Terry Devitt,http://insciences.org/article.php?article_id=7507

Transform Your Beliefs, Transform Your Life: EFT Tapping Using Matrix Reimprinting by Karl Dawson and Kate Marillat

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