Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

Give Me a Child Until He’s Seven

on April 8, 2014

Give me the child for seven years and I will give you the man is a quote attributed to the Jesuits who believed that a person’s belief system evolves within a child’s infancy and that a Jesuit upbringing would make the adult a confirmed Jesuit. Modern science validates this belief. Between gestation and six years of age, what we hear, see, and experience lays the foundation of our core beliefs about ourselves and the world.

If we are lucky, these beliefs form a basis for feeling confident, connected, and loved. Unfortunately, less supportive beliefs also develop. The very coping mechanisms that keep a child safe may cause significant challenges for the adult the child becomes.

  • If a baby cries and cries and no one responds, she may conclude: I’m not loveable.
  • A child who is ignored might decide:  I’m not important or worth hearing.
  • Spilling his milk or being the last in class to learn to read may lead a boy to think: I’m stupid. I can’t do anything right.

In my previous post, I wrote about the new biology that shows that genes do not control biology, but rather are used by biology. In this post, we will explore the next question.

What is controlling our genes and our experience of life?

The science of epigentics (beyond genetics) reveals that epigenetic mechanisms can edit the readout of a gene to create 30,000 variations of proteins from the same gene blueprint.[1]

Gene activation is influenced by both our inner and outer environments. Our inner environment includes our emotions, biochemistry, mental processes, and sense of the spiritual. Our outer environment includes the food we eat, the toxins we are exposed to, and our social rituals.[2] Most of these are in our control.

If we can think, believe and eat our way to health and happiness, why are so many people sick and miserable?

It turns out that “Think positive!” is easier said than done thanks to the power of the subconscious mind. While the conscious mind can express free will, the subconscious mind primarily expresses habitual stimulus response. [3]

The subconscious mind interprets and responds to 40,000,000 impulses per second.

This is why you can walk and chew gum at the same time, talk while driving, and brush your teeth while half-asleep.

The conscious mind processes about 40 nerve impulses per second.

Yes, 40. How can it keep up with the subconscious mind? It can’t.

The subconscious is in control 95 percent of the time.

Essential information for parenting today’s Uniquely Magnificent Children.

Between birth and two years old, babies are mostly in a state of delta brainwave activity. From two to six, they are predominantly in the theta state.

Delta and theta are the brainwave states that hypnotherapists induce in clients to make them more suggestible.

With our children in the state of easy influence, everything we say and do is of utmost importance. Children cannot comprehend that a parent is dissatisfied with an action (perhaps a slammed door) rather than being dissatisfied with them as a human being.

They will develop coping mechanisms to keep themselves safe. (If I am very quiet, no one will notice me and I won’t get hit.) Some will be based on false premises. These perceptions will become the fundamental subconscious programs that shape the character of the individual’s life. (I can’t speak up! No one ever hears me.)

Everything we say and do matters.

It is important to realize that our own core beliefs were imprinted by age six. That is why despite our best efforts, we find ourselves re-acting. We say words we swore we’d never say and behave in opposition to our intentions.

Fortunately, what has been programmed can be reprogrammed.

“Becoming conscious of our subconscious beliefs and programming is the gateway to spontaneous evolution.”[4]

Processes like Matrix Reimprinting are our way out of old programs that have been playing and replaying themselves in our life patterns, in our words, and in our experiences. Matrix Reimprinting allows us to rewrite our past experiences to transform our future.

I mess up every day.

This information can be empowering – or a basis for firming up a belief that you are inadequate as a parent and human being. Choose to let it be empowering. Remember to breath to center yourself. Speak kindly and gently to your children. Be present for them.

When you revert to old patterns or lose control, forgive yourself and move on. I do not know anyone who always says and does the right things. Certainly not I.

“Life is about making mistakes,” said the Teacher.  “Cells went on reproducing themselves in exactly the same way for millions of years until one of them made a mistake, and introduced change into the endless cycle of repetition.

“It was a mistake that set the world in motion,” said the Teacher.  “Never be afraid of making a mistake.”

Paulo Coelho in “Brida”


[1] Spontaneous Evolution:  Our Positive Future (and a Way to Get There from Here) by Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. and Steve Bhaerman (p. 29)

[2] Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT:  Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future by Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby (pp. 26 – 27)

[3] Spontaneous Evolution (pp. 30 – 34)

[4] Spontaneous Evolution (p. 36)

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