Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

Groups Do It Faster

When I was 19, I was an instructor to aspiring camp counselors. One of my tasks was to lead the young women on a hike in the Catskill Mountains of New York.

I carefully selected a trail and hiked it myself to verify the time required for this activity. I reported to the senior instructors, “It took me three hours. But I hiked straight through and went really fast. I’m sure it will take a lot longer with a group of 20 girls.”

The women in charge laughed. “It will go much faster with a group of 20 girls.” I did not believe them.

On the day of the group hike, as I had suspected, there was much laughter, much talk, and many stops for complicated photo arrangements. The girls in the lead took a wrong turn at one point and we had to back-track for a while. It felt more like ambling than hiking. And yet, we were back at the trail head in two and a half hours.

I have since learned: progress and learning are faster and easier in a group. (If you don’t have a group to support you, join mine.)

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

A Rainbow of Emotions

Before children, I was even-tempered, reasonably calm, and uber-logical. I never screeched or hollered as a little girl. I did not pout or throw fits as a teen. I was a quiet and content wife.

I was astounded then at the emotions my children could elicit in me:

  • Explosive anger
  • Exuberant joy
  • Intense fear

I had not known these emotions dwelt within me, yet my children could provoke them with a word, a seemingly innocuous action, or by leaning on me.

I Join a Group

The first formal woman’s circle I joined wasn’t for mothers on the verge of losing it. It was a simple meditation group.  Mostly, we sat together with our eyes closed. At that time, I wasn’t even interested in (or aware of) meditation. I joined because the opportunity showed up for me when my children were small and I needed something – anything – to get away from home one evening per month.

The act of sitting in that circle began a transformative journey that continues to this day.  One of the greatest benefits has been that I am no longer a slave to my emotions.

Just from sitting in a circle?  Yes and no.  It all started there and it has been quite a journey.  (You can read all about it in my book, Swan Mothers: Discovering Our True Selves by Parenting Uniquely Magnificent Children.)

Support for Stressed-Out Mothers

I have been sitting in women’s circles for over a decade. Some circles lasted an hour. Others have been ongoing for years. Each has enriched my life.

I encourage you to find support for your own journey by coming together with other mothers of surprising children. Learn to listen to one another without judging. Being heard is in itself a healing experience. If you prefer anonymity or can’t find a local group, consider an on-line group.

A More Structured Group

If you need a place to start, please consider joining the Swan Mothers Circle. Our next session starts September 25 and is conducted by phone and on-line, so you can participate from anywhere. Recordings are also available in case you are not able to listen at the scheduled times.

My most recent group reported that they felt the support of the circle even when they listened to the recording.  All felt the group we highly useful.
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Matrix Magic: Rewriting Old Programs and Becoming the Mother You Want to Be

What don’t you like about yourself? What patterns do you see repeating in your life? How does this affect your parenting – and your happiness?

Broken Promises, Lies and Rejection

Shirley was devastated when her child, adopted at age 12, left for college and no longer wanted anything to do with the rest of the family. Soon after, Shirley was not accepted into a graduate degree program which she felt would have allowed her to develop her life’s passion. Even though she had a supportive family and a blossoming career, Shirley felt squashed by these rejections.

During an EFT session, Shirley realized that she has had a hole in her heart since childhood. Her workaholic father seemed to love his work more than he loved her.

Frustrated and Powerless

While those around her get what they want, Kendra gets more and more frustrated. When she worked in a preschool, the children did not listen to her. Now, her own children seem to ignore her when she speaks or asks for help. She feels unheard and invisible.

While tapping, Kendra recognized that from the time she was a little girl, she has felt as if no one heard her or noticed her needs.

Repeating Patterns

Many people feel scared, betrayed, lonely, and unlovable. For some of us, the source of these feelings is obvious:

  • Childhood abuse
  • Parents who put us down
  • Teachers who shamed us
  • A humiliating incident in our teens

For others, it appears that all was well in our growing-up years, yet we still encounter these feelings.

Whether we know where our feelings originate or the source is a mystery, most of us recognize that there are repeating patterns in our lives. Even if we do not recognize the patterns in our own actions and reactions, we inevitably see them in others.

Our perceptions about ourselves and of how life treats us are reflected in the way we speak and in the way we respond to our children’s behaviors.

Mothers of Autistic Kids

Mothers of autistic children experience more stressful events and have less time for themselves than the average mother. Their levels of maternal cortisol, a hormone released by the adrenal gland in response to stress, were found to be significantly lower than normal. This condition occurs under chronic stress, yielding profiles similar to those of combat soldiers and others who experience constant psychological stress.

When we are under stress, we are most likely to revert to old patterns of speaking and acting. Amazingly, we rely heavily on behaviors acquired before the age of seven.

Changing to Choose Our Behaviors

Using Matrix Reimprinting, you can rewrite old events and change the emotional hold they have on you.

I worked with Shirley and Kendra before I learned Matrix Reimiprinting. While we were able to soften the intensity of those early incidents, I did not have a means to give them tools for changing those painful scenes.

Now, when I work with clients with similar situations, I always use Matrix Reimprinting. For Shirley, we would step into an old scene, work with her younger self (ECHO) and allow her to speak with her father if she so chose. For Kendra, we would tap until a specific incident of feeling unheard emerged. We would then work with her ECHO to find a way to feel her power and strength. By working this way, we change habitual behavior patterns.

When we feel differently about ourselves, we experience the words and actions of our children differently and we respond in a new, healthy way.

Note

It has taken you a lifetime to acquire and cement your current behavior patterns.  Even with a brilliant technique like Matrix Reimprinting, you will not change them in one session.  You can expect the best results by committing to an on-going program of work with a Matrix Reimprinting practitioner and on your own.

References

For Mothers Of Children With Autism, The Caregiving Life Proves Stressful by Terry Devitt,http://insciences.org/article.php?article_id=7507

Transform Your Beliefs, Transform Your Life: EFT Tapping Using Matrix Reimprinting by Karl Dawson and Kate Marillat

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Talking plus Tapping equals Healing

All summer I watched a cygnet swimming with his parents. At first, he was a tiny thing and the parents swam very close to him, pecking at turtles that came near. As he grew, they swam farther and showed him how to fish. They brought him to shore where he copied their grooming habits and practiced stretching his little wings. Today when I arrived at the beach, I witnessed the father swan teaching his rather grown-up cygnet to fly. The cygnet ran on the water, beating its wings. When it stopped, the father repeated the running sequence and finished by lifting his great body into a glide over the surface of the lake. Before the swans fly south for the winter, the cygnet will have learned to fly too. He’s been watching his parents all summer.

Like the cygnet, our children learn by watching and mimicking us. What we do will have a much greater impact on them then what we say. While helping our children find balance with homeopathic remedies and other natural health science methods is important, demonstrating our own commitment to heal and balance ourselves is the greater gift. When we claim responsibility for our own health and well-being, we encourage our children to do the same. If we can teach our children a simple technique for getting calm and centered, we give them a skill that will serve them throughout their lives.

Tapping + Talking = Healing

Think about a traumatic event from your past. Maybe a teacher humiliated you for not understanding something. Maybe your child had a tantrum at church and all eyes were on you. Maybe you were in a car crash or witnessed a terrible accident.Take a moment to really think about one such event. Close your eyes and notice how you feel. Is your heart beating faster? Is your throat constricting? Are you cringing? Can you feel yourself getting angry or scared or sad?

Traumatic events elicit a physical response. They cause the body to contract and harden. This tension prevents energy from circulating freely in the body.

Healing Trauma

Energy is the invisible foundation for health in the body. The body is composed of energy pathways and energy centers that are in a dynamic interplay with the cells, organs, moods, and thoughts. This is why we feel sadness and joy and fear in our bodies.

When a traumatic event disrupts the flow of energy, physical ailments and emotional imbalances may result. Sometimes, these last long after the event is over and injuries have healed.

Homeopathic remedies, acupuncture balance the flow of energy and restore harmony. Using these energetic healing techniques, we influence our health, emotions and state of mind.

When you consider the many small and BIG traumas we experience, it is easy to understand why it is necessary to dedicate time to healing for ourselves and our children. Accidents, teasing, bullying, and loss all leave their marks on us. By supporting ourselves with homeopathy and EFT, we can learn and grow from these experiences instead of being squashed and crippled by them.

What Happens When You Tap Acupoints

Most therapies address the cognitive and emotional aspects of trauma. Stimulating the meridian points using EFT or acupressure addresses the physiological component, leading to deep, lasting healing.

Learning and using EFT, a meridian tapping technique, enables you to participate actively in your own growth and healing. EFT can rebalance your body and enable you to cope with the demands of living with autistic and other uniquely magnificent children.

Background and History

More than 5000 years ago, the Chinese discovered that by applying pressure to specific points (acupoints) on the body, they could

  1. alleviate physical symptoms,
  2. improve functioning of internal organs, and
  3. balance emotions.

Acupoints have significantly lower electrical resistance than other areas of the skin and are sensitive to mechanical stimulation. In the 1980s, John Diamond and Roger Callahan began to apply acupuncture to psychological issues. A decade later, Gary Craig developed EFT.

Tension and pain accumulate at acupoints. By tapping the standard points used in EFT, you will bring balance to all of the major energy pathways in your body. As you tap, your emotions will shift. Often, old memories will surface. In this way, EFT offers a way to bring energetic disturbances to the surface to be healed. Just as blood vessels nourish the body physically, meridians circulate healing energy to all systems of the body.

Expect Results

Begin now to gently and permanently heal your own old wounds. This will make you a more effective parent, partner, and person.  For most people, working with a professional produces the quickest results.  I offer free 15-minute consultations if you would like to talk before determining if I am the right practitioner for you.  (I will happily refer you to another practitioner if we are not a match).

You can also use EFT for yourself anytime, anywhere.  All that is required is the most basic knowledge of the technique which I describe here.

As you empower yourself by actively participating in your own healing experience, you will be modeling self-responsibility and empowerment for your children.  What a gift!

In matters of health and healing, be fanatical about self-responsibility. Check facts and carefully evaluate if suggestions are right for you and your children.

 

 

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I Wish I Knew

What brings you such joy
that you gleefully giggle?
What brings you distress,
and sad, anxious sighs?
I gaze in green eyes.
I yearn to uncover
the mysteries in you
answers to whys.

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