Welcome Swan Sister
I’ve been waiting for you.
I know this path you walk.
Why does it have to be so hard?
What can I do to help my child?
Dear God, Not again!
How did you come to be here, on the Swan Mother’s Journey?
Me? I was blessed with 29 beautifully ordinary years. Family camping adventures. Good grades, reasonably easily achieved. Road trips with friends. Love!
Motherhood landed me on a new island and the orderly ship that had carried me there promptly sank. There was no way to return to the Ordinary World. My Hero’s Journey began.
My children (perhaps yours too?) missed the Supposed To line in pre-life orientation.
I had been Super-Everygirl.
Oh yes. I was a master of Supposed To.
I devoured Judith Martin’s Miss Manners books. I inhaled pull-your-shoulders-out-of-their-sockets loads of parenting books. I made flashcards for my baby.
My children were blissfully unaware of my Supposed To (supposed) Mastery. Each came with a clear mission and unique way of being. None developed in accordance with professionals’ timelines and charts.
I was well trained. I embraced my job as a parent and set out to fix them, to make them the way they were supposed to be. I was doing my best, but it wasn’t pretty.
Then, I wept at their non-compliance and non-conformance to my way.
Now, I am grateful that I did not break them before everything was illuminated and I saw with New Eyes.
Each of them is exactly the way they’re supposed to be.
The world needs each expression. Articulate and non-verbal. Stimming, obsessive, compulsive, and eye-contact averse. Very loud and selectively mute.
Even if I don’t understand the whys and hows.
Now here’s the really huge A-ha! The world needs you and me exactly the way we are. We are all one of a kind. When we conceal our 100% authentic selves, our real I Am is lost to the world forever.
Lynne Soraya writes What Does Authenticity Look Like? As an autistic adult, she finds that people say “Just be yourself,” but then cannot tolerate expressions of being that are considered rude or weird.
Dude, I’m an Aspie writes: Being yourself, when you’re an Aspie, can get you in heaps of trouble. A poorly timed meltdown, a missed signal, a split second reaction, can form a lasting impression. “Be yourself,” but not your whole self, lest you offend someone.
To fully accept our children, we must fully accept ourselves.
I’m practicing. This is my mantra:
I can be wildly successful at being me: writing, shining, living life.
You can be wildly successful at being you. Tell the world: This is what I do. This is who I am.
If you’ve been transformed by parenting, I’d like to hear your story. Please contact me at nataliaerehnah at gmail dot com.