Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

What If Everything We Know is Wrong?

“What If Everything You Know is Wrong!”

Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. and Steve Bhaerman in Spontaneous Evolution:  Our Positive Future (And a Way to Get There from Here.)

What would happen if the impossible became possible?

What if we could make it happen?

Steve Bhaerman (writing as Swami Beyondananda) says: The best way to face the unknown is by not knowing.

How is your perception of your child shaped by what you “know?”

If you have a child that is very different from the child you expected, you may have had him or her evaluated by a psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. Perhaps this professional provided you a list of the things your child will never do. And you believed her.

  • He will never talk or ride a bike.
  • She will never have friends or a social life.
  • He will never have a job and live on his own.
  • She will never play creatively.
  • He will never understand idioms or humor.
  • She will never go to college.
  • He will never get married.

We are influenced by what we see and hear and read.

When we engage experts to evaluate our children, we hope that they will provide useful information. We think that they hold some key that will help us to help our children.

Sometimes, we do receive useful information. Too often though, we are handed a list of problems and “defects” along with a recommendation for weekly therapies that are to go on for years.

What would happen if we believed something different from the prognosis we are given?

People do impossible things every day.

  • People walk on fire. Those who expect the coals to burn them, get burned. Those who don’t, don’t.
  • Twice a year, 50,000 people of the Bakhtiari tribe of Persia walk for days in snow and ice over at 15,000 foot mountain pass during their annual migrations. They walk barefoot.
  • Mothers lift cars that fall on their children.
  • A small group of fundamentalists known as Free Pentecostal Holiness Church drink poison but are not harmed because they believe that God is protecting them.
  • Every day, spontaneous remissions occur and patients who have been told that they will certainly die, recover.

How do people accomplish these impossible feats?

They suspend their limiting beliefs and shift to an unshakeable belief that they will succeed in their mission. Bruce and Steve write: “The hardest part about the belief game is that you either believe something or you don’t – there is no middle ground.”

How to Change Your Beliefs About Your Child — and Yourself

1.  Make a list of what you believe about your child (or yourself.) You may include items such as:

  • My life will always be difficult (with this child).
  • My child will never _______________.
  • My child always _______________.
  • I’m a bad parent (because ________________).

2.  Give each statement a validity rating on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is not true at all and 10 is very true or very intense. This is a subjective, internal rating of the intensity of feeling you have about the truth of the statement.  When you ask yourself, “How true is this for me?” write down the number that pops into your head.
3.  Use the basic EFT recipe to begin shifting the hold these beliefs have on you. Do a round (or more) of tapping using as many of the following phrases. Modify the statements or add your own to accommodate your own individual feelings.

  • Even though my life will always be difficult, I’m still a good person.
  • Even though my child will never ________, I can love him AND myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m a bad parent because I _________, I’m doing my best and that’s enough for now.
  • Even though my child always _________ and it’s so (frustrating, embarrassing, painful), I choose to love her and myself anyway.

4.  After a few rounds of tapping, give each statement a validity rating again. Are your feelings less intense or more? As you tapped, did memories or feelings come up? If yes, you can continue tapping on these new feelings. If the memories or feelings are very intense, breathe deeply, imagining the breath flowing into your heart. Stop tapping if this feels right. 

5.  If the feelings are less intense, look at the statements again. Consider how you can begin shifting your beliefs. Start small! Choose something positive and new that you can believe and that you can see relatively quickly. Perhaps you can envision your child putting on one article of clothing without protest or allowing you to place a new food on his plate.  If you don’t believe that your child will get dressed easily, can you believe that there is a possibility that she will be more cooperative.

6. Continue to believe a new impossible thing every day.

Did you know?

Many people with multiple personalities change eye color in the short interval it takes to transition from one ego to the next. Some have scars in one personality that disappear as another personality emerges. Many exhibit allergies and sensitivities in one personality but not another. (Spontaneous Evolution, p. 15)

You can learn how to change your beliefs too. Join one of my mothers’ circles.

This series is continued in Children as Catalysts for Spontaneous Evolution:  The Role of Genes

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Magic for Muggles: Change the Way You See and Experience EVERYTHING

Sometimes, muggles get really lucky and stumble upon some magic.  Magic we can actually do.  Easily, consistently.

I had such an experience when I attended a Matrix Reimprinting seminar with Karl Dawson.  (The photo shows me, Karl and my friend Linda Friedman Jones at the seminar.)  Even though I have known about EFT for many years, even though I had finally figured out how to use if effectively, I had no idea about the amazingly transformative power of meridian  tapping.

What is Matrix Reimprinting?

Matrix Reimprinting is a new meridian tapping technique developed by EFT Master Karl Dawson.  Like EFT, Matrix Reimprinting often resolves long-standing emotional and physical issues.

By changing

  1. how you perceive old events

  2. how ingrained ideas shape your words and actions

Matrix Reimprinting can be used to create a life you love by creating better energy flow in your body

During a Matrix Reimprinting session, we tap on points that have been used in acupuncture for thousands of years.  Most of the points we use are at the ends of meridians.

Meridians are channels for energy flow just as blood vessels and arteries are channels for blood flow.  Emotional, chemical and physical trauma can disrupt the flow of energy in the meridians.  When the energy is obstructed, disease may result.

We can correct the flow of energy by stimulating the meridian points.  In EFT and Matrix Reimprinting, we do this by tapping on them.

How is Matrix Reimprinting different from EFT?

In conventional EFT, tapping on meridian end points is used to take the emotional intensity out of a past memory. When an issue is resolved with EFT, you are able to recall your most traumatic and stressful life memories without any emotional disruption or stress.  This is a useful healing strategy since most disease results from stress.

When an issue is resolved using Matrix Reimprinting, the memories associated with it are actually transformed.

During the Matrix session, the practitioner will guide you as you go into a past memory.

There, you may say and do what you wished you had said and done.  You will be shown how to bring in people or tools to support you in any way that you need.  You will recreate the recorded picture in your memory. This will transform your reflexive reactions in situations that were triggering an unwanted response.

But these things did happen!  No one can change that.

In Matrix work, we never deny that an event occurred.  We do not use distraction techniques. In fact, we recognize that the best way to transform a situation is to be fully present in it.  You will not relive the situation.  Matrix Reimprinting is a very gentle technique – easier to demonstrate than to explain.

Experience Matrix Magic

Matrix Reimprinting is an essential part of all of my group sessions.

Physically, mentally and emotionally healthy parents, family members and caregivers create a healthy life for autistic, ADHD, and other children with special needs.

Want to know much more about Matrix Reimprinting?  You can read all about it in Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT:  Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future by Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby.

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Tapping into Stress Relief

I am sometimes asked how I stay so calm with my children. The truth is, I’m not always calm, but I have come a long way. One of the tools that helped me get here is meridian tapping.

Since I learned about EFT (a type of meridian tapping) in 2010, it has gone mainstream, and with good reason. By tapping on a few specific points on your body,  you can dramatically reduce your stress level, often in just a few minutes.

Meridian Tapping is a technique that combines talking about a problem and tapping on meridian points to bring about different, more comfortable feelings about it.

 

A Bit More Information

Meridian Tapping Techniques are an emotional, needle-free version of acupuncture, Tapping on certain meridian points with the fingertips shifts energy and can help us to regain our equilibrium. Since emotional stress can contribute to discomfort, EFT often provides astonishing relief.

Click here to learn how to tap with my Super-Easy Tapping Guide.

Why do we need to deal with emotions?

E-motions are energy in motion.  Energy is the invisible foundation for health in the body.  The body is composed of energy pathways and energy centers that are in a dynamic interplay with the cells, organs, moods, and thoughts.

When we shift these energies using homeopathic remedies or meridian stimulation techniques, we influence our health, emotions, and state of mind.

Tap for Stress-Reduction

  • Think of something that troubles you.
    • Where do you feel it?
    • On a scale from 1 to 10, how intense is this feeling?
  • Now, focusing on this feeling, begin tapping on your karate chop point with your other hand.  Say, “Even though I have (this feeling), I am a really good person.”
  • How do you feel now?
    • How intense is that feeling on a scale of 1 to 10?
    • Did you think of anything while tapping?
      • If yes, you can tap on this new feeling or memory.

When to Use EFT

Whenever you feel

  • stressed,
  • frustrated,
  • sad,
  • angry.

What to Say While Tapping

Begin tapping on the Karate Chop point while saying the following set-up phrases.

  • Even though I am so frustrated, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
  • Even though I am so stressed, I want to accept and forgive myself.
  • Even though this is really crazy, I love myself and am willing to try this way to calm myself.
TH: I just want to have one ordinary normal day.
EB: Even a nice, normal hour.
OE: My whole body is tense.
UE: The stress is really getting to me.
UN: I eat too much (or not enough).
CH: I don’t have any time for myself.
CB: I have to manage every minute of every day.
UA: I feel so alone.
UN: I feel scared.
Thumb: Sad.
IF: Overwhelmed.
MF: Angry.
RF: Sad.
LF: Angry.
  • ET I have this difficult life, I am willing to consider the possibility that it can be easier.
  • ET I feel angry and frustrated, I am open to the idea that I can find peace in my days.
  • ET I feel like I can’t take it anymore, I am a good mother.
TH: My life is very challenging.
EB: I am handling it well.
OE: I make lots of mistakes.
UE: I also do a lot of things right.
UN: The stress of having this child is difficult sometimes.
CH: There are also times of great joy.
CB: Sometimes I want to go hide or run away.
UA: Sometimes I am grateful for the privilege of being with this amazing kid.
UN: I’m doing a good job.
Thumb: Nobody understands.
IF: I’m sad.
MF: Angry.
RF: Frustrated.
LF: I am doing my best.
  • ET I have a challenging life, I choose to embrace it with grace.
  • ET I get so stressed sometimes, I choose to find a way to find peace and relief.
  • ET I sometimes wish it was different for me, I choose to love the life and the child I have.
TH: I choose to be strong.
EB: I choose to forgive myself as often as necessary.
OE: I choose to forgive my spouse when he/she does not do enough.
UE: I choose to forgive my child(ren) for annoying me.
UN: I choose to be easy on myself.
CH: I choose to find time for myself every day.
CB: I choose to have joy in my life.
UA: I choose to have peace in my life.
UN: I am o.k.
Thumb: I choose to love myself.
IF: I choose to be easy on myself.
MF: I am o.k.
RF: I am o.k.
LF: I am o.k.

If, as you are tapping along with the script, you think of another issue or feeling, tap on it.  If you feel a sensation in your body, tap on it.

For example, if you begin to feel a tightness in your throat while tapping, go back to the Karate Chop Point and use a set-up phrase like, “Even though I have this intense tightness in my throat, I want to love myself anyway.”

As you tap through the points, use a simple reminder phrase such as, “This tightness in my throat.”  If the sensation changes again, change your words while continuing to tap through the points.  For example, “This choking feeling in my throat.”

The tapping scripts are provided to give you an idea of how to start and to get the feel of using EFT.  It is always more important to use your own words than mine. Trust yourself.  Notice what comes up.  Tap on it without judging yourself or the feeling.

When I first read about EFT, I was intrigued.  Yet when I tried it for myself, I was not impressed.  Nothing seemed to happen.  I hope that your experience is different.  I will not go into all of the reasons that it did not work for me.  However, since I am now an EFT practitioner and proponent and use EFT for myself constantly, I want you to know that what made a difference for me was having a session with an EFT practitioner.  About 45 minutes into my first session, I experienced a huge emotional release and understood the value of this technique.

If you would like to experience a guided EFT/meridian taping session, please contact me. Free tapping circles for mothers coming soon.

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Doing My Own Work

As I walked beside the lake one morning, a bunch of deer flies swarmed around me head.  At first, I swatted them away with reasonably good humor.  When they would not leave, I found myself increasingly agitated.  “It’s just a sound,” I reasoned with myself.  “Why is it annoying you so much?”  Yet annoy me it did.  Each buzz in my ear, every dart toward my head, pushed me closer to the edge.

There have been times when the sounds of my children have had a similar affect on me.  Their normal, child behavior rapidly changed me from a reasonable, sane woman to a crazy, raving one.

At my worst, I yelled at a newborn to stop crying, slapped a toddler who whined persistently, and snapped at young children for playing loudly.  It is humbling to look back.

These days, my parenting is much gentler.  You might think that this is because the children are older and it’s just easier.  But that is only a small part of the reason.

Mostly, it is because I have done a lot of work on myself.  After years of trying to make my children the way I thought they should be, I realized that they are just fine the way they are.  Even I am fine the way I am.  I simply need to make a few changes.

This, says Carl Rogers, is the curious paradox:  When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

Doing Our Own Work

As parents, we take our children’s behavior and appearance — their very being — personally.  When our children won’t eat the food we prepared or wear the clothes we’ve laid out, when they scream and kick in public and encounter difficulties in school, we assume that we should fix the situation.  We assume that we should fix our children.

In fact, our children do not need to be fixed.  They need to be seen, heard, understood, and loved.

But how do we see, listen, and console when we want to scream and shout?  One step at a time and not in the moment of our deepest despair, we change ourselves.

Learn new words to say.   I recommend reading How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen and Listen So Your Children Will Talk, over and over if necessary.  I read it many times.  This book is easy to read and offers many scripts for speaking to our children.

Step into your child’s shoes.  Take a minute to see the situation from your child’s point of view.  While you see a child who is not cooperating, what is your child’s experience?  Is she hungry or tired?  Do the seams on the socks bother him to an extent you cannot imagine?  Has the “nice” teacher spoken to her harshly and now she is afraid?

Look for the positive.  Mary Sheedy Kurchinka, in her book Raising Your Spirited Child,makes many suggestions for seeing challenging traits as assets.  Is your child stubborn, or persistent?  Oversensitive, or perceptive?  Bossy, or knows exactly what he wants?

Reconsider your foundational beliefs about yourself.  We all have limiting core beliefs.  They come from our early experiences, mostly those before age seven.   These limiting beliefs drive our thoughts and behaviors.  Fortunately, they can be changed effectively and, sometimes, quickly and easily, with techniques such as Matrix Reimprinting and EFT and other energy medicine modalities.

Tap.  EFT is very easy to learn and very effective for reducing stress in the moment.  Use EFT to honor yourself and your journey.  Click here to see the tapping points and demonstration.  Then, try tapping these phrases:

  • Even though this has been really exhausting, I’m a good mother and I’m doing enough.
  • Even though I haven’t done everything perfectly, I can love myself anyway.

I continue to work with practitioners regularly. For me, the support and guidance of a professional is essential in making major shifts.  Any work that I do on myself translates to treating my children better, and that’s a very good thing.

 

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Tapping Script for Choosing Joy

I just went through and did this using your script. What an amazing experience! I’ve looked into EFT for a few years now, but never really took the time to DO it. I was always so intimidated. You helped change that. Thank you.–Laura

My journey from shock and overwhelm (after hearing “We think she’s autistic.”) to acceptance and joy has been supported by energy-shifting tools such as homeopathy, meridian tapping, Matrix Reimprinting, and reading. This post is a how-to for one of my favorite techniques.

The “Choices Method” is an EFT technique developed by Patricia Carrington, Ph.D. It is one of my favorite meridian tapping techniques because I find the wording “I choose” so empowering.

Try out this tapping script.  Adjust the words so that they accurately reflect how you feel.  (See the Super-Easy Tapping Guide for a quick how-to.)

Begin by considering the statement “I have this difficult life.”  On a scale of 1 to 10, rate how true this statement is for you.

Tap on the Karate Chop Point while saying:

  • Even though I’ve been on this path of suffering for so many years, I choose to forgive myself.
  • Even though I’ve been giving up everything for so long, I choose to love myself.
  • Even though I have this difficult life, I choose to experience joy every day.

Now tap through the points. (If you need directions, see the Super-Easy Tapping Guide.)

TH: This path of suffering.
IE: I give everything for my children.
OE: I have a difficult life.
UE: This path of suffering.
UN: I give everything for my children.
CH: I have a difficult life.
K27: This path of suffering.
UA: I give everything for my children.
TF: I have a difficult life.
IF: This path of suffering.
MF: I give everything for my children.
RF: I have a difficult life.
LF: I have a difficult life.

Tap again on the Karate Chop point saying:

  • Even though I’ve been on this path of suffering for so many years, I choose to forgive myself.
  • Even though I’ve been giving up everything for so long, I choose to love myself.
  • Even though I have this difficult life, I choose to experience joy every day.
TH: This path of suffering.
IE: I choose to forgive myself.
OE: I’ve been giving up everything for so long.
UE: I choose to love myself.
UN: I have this difficult life.
CH: I choose to experience joy every day.
CB: This path of suffering.
UA: I choose to forgive myself.
TF: I’ve been giving up everything for so long.
IF: I choose to love myself.
MF: I have this difficult life.
RF: I choose to experience joy every day.
LF: I choose to experience joy every day.

Tap again on the Karate Chop point saying:

  • Even though I’ve been on this path of suffering for so many years, I choose to forgive myself.
  • Even though I’ve been giving up everything for so long, I choose to love myself.
  • Even though I have this difficult life, I choose to experience joy every day.
TH: I choose to forgive myself.
IE: I choose to love myself.
OE: I choose to experience joy every day.
UE: I choose to forgive myself.
UN: I choose to love myself.
CH: I choose to experience joy every day.
K27: I choose to forgive myself.
UA: I choose to love myself.
TF: I choose to experience joy every day.
IF: I choose to forgive myself.
MF: I choose to love myself.
RF: I choose to experience joy every day.
LF: I choose to experience joy every day.

Reconsider the statement “I have this difficult life.”  On a scale of 1 to 10, rate how true this statement is for you now?

Notice any changes in your feelings.  Note any feelings in your body.  Consider tapping on any memories or sensations that come up.  If you need support or direction for optimizing your tapping time, considering working with an energy psychology professional.

Prepare to be Amazed as Your Life Gets Easier with Each Session

Did you try the tapping?  Did you notice anything?  I’d love to hear about your experience in the comment section below.
If nothing happened, please see

The Difference Between Mundane and Miraculous EFT: One Session with a Pro can Change Your Life

and read how I went from EFT skeptic to convert.

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The Difference Between Mundane and Miraculous EFT: One Session with a Pro Can Change Your Life

Perhaps I shouldn’t admit this, but my first experiences with EFT (a meridian tapping technique) were rather uninspiring. When I first heard about tapping, I still thought it was my job to fix my children.

I was always looking for ways to change and improve them. Somewhere I read about using the EFT technique to help children manage their emotions and avoid intense outbursts. I decided I needed to teach my children this technique. The testimonials were convincing.

EFT On My Own

From the written instructions, I wasn’t entirely sure how the process was supposed to work. I found the whole tapping thing odd and complicated.

Not surprisingly, my results were unspectacular. I got out what I put in – not much.  After one attempt to tap on my children, I placed the book on a bookshelf and deemed this another over-hyped modality.

Often, a technique or remedy is not right for us and our children. But sometimes, there is a timing issue. We may not be ready or the moment might not be ripe.

When the time is right, a teacher will appear.

A year or two later, a group of mothers at an on-line forum I frequented began discussing EFT. Coincidentally, a woman I knew contacted me and told me her friend wanted to practice EFT on a mother of an autistic child. “Are you interested?”  she asked.

While I was pretty sure this tapping thing would not work for me , the offer came during my darkest days. I was desperate and willing to try almost anything.

EFT with a Practitioner

When I walked into Linda Kent’s home office, I did not know what to expect. I was surprised to learn that this technique was not about fixing my children. It was about helping me feel better.

Linda asked me a number of questions and then started tapping on me. She explained that I might feel sensations in my body or remember incidents from long ago.

She tapped on me and helped me formulate set-up phrases like those I use in the demo. I was convinced nothing was happening, but sat there politely while she tapped and talkead.

I no longer remember what we were tapping on, but when she said, and I repeated, “Even though I feel so alone, I deeply and completely love and accept myself,”  something deep inside of me cracked opened. My tears flowed and flowed and healing began.

It was then that I understood the power of EFT.  In that moment, something shifted.

That first session was transformative for me.  It took me on a journey of deep healing. It led to my studying EFT and Matrix Reimprinting and using them often for myself and others.

Please don’t be discouraged if you don’t feel much the first few times you tap — even with a practitioner. I believe that the early sessions “prime the pump.” They start balancing and opening energy channels.

Stick with it, work with a practitioner or try a group session. When it starts working for you (and for many people this is during the first session), you will be forever grateful to have this handy tool in your pocket.

I plan to resume group and private tapping sessions soon. Comment if you’re interested in experiencing meridian tapping for better, easier parenting. Or email nataliaerehnah@gmail.com

In the interview below, I talk to Annabele Fisher about my journey with EFT and Matrix Reimprinting.

Be the Best Mother You Can Be with Matrix Reimprinting and EFT

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