“What If Everything You Know is Wrong!”
What would happen if the impossible became possible?
What if we could make it happen?
Steve Bhaerman (writing as Swami Beyondananda) says: The best way to face the unknown is by not knowing.
How is your perception of your child shaped by what you “know?”
If you have a child that is very different from the child you expected, you may have had him or her evaluated by a psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. Perhaps this professional provided you a list of the things your child will never do. And you believed her.
- He will never talk or ride a bike.
- She will never have friends or a social life.
- He will never have a job and live on his own.
- She will never play creatively.
- He will never understand idioms or humor.
- She will never go to college.
- He will never get married.
We are influenced by what we see and hear and read.
When we engage experts to evaluate our children, we hope that they will provide useful information. We think that they hold some key that will help us to help our children.
Sometimes, we do receive useful information. Too often though, we are handed a list of problems and “defects” along with a recommendation for weekly therapies that are to go on for years.
What would happen if we believed something different from the prognosis we are given?
People do impossible things every day.
- People walk on fire. Those who expect the coals to burn them, get burned. Those who don’t, don’t.
- Twice a year, 50,000 people of the Bakhtiari tribe of Persia walk for days in snow and ice over at 15,000 foot mountain pass during their annual migrations. They walk barefoot.
- Mothers lift cars that fall on their children.
- A small group of fundamentalists known as Free Pentecostal Holiness Church drink poison but are not harmed because they believe that God is protecting them.
- Every day, spontaneous remissions occur and patients who have been told that they will certainly die, recover.
How do people accomplish these impossible feats?
They suspend their limiting beliefs and shift to an unshakeable belief that they will succeed in their mission. Bruce and Steve write: “The hardest part about the belief game is that you either believe something or you don’t – there is no middle ground.”
How to Change Your Beliefs About Your Child — and Yourself
1. Make a list of what you believe about your child (or yourself.) You may include items such as:
- My life will always be difficult (with this child).
- My child will never _______________.
- My child always _______________.
- I’m a bad parent (because ________________).
2. Give each statement a validity rating on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is not true at all and 10 is very true or very intense. This is a subjective, internal rating of the intensity of feeling you have about the truth of the statement. When you ask yourself, “How true is this for me?” write down the number that pops into your head.
3. Use the basic EFT recipe to begin shifting the hold these beliefs have on you. Do a round (or more) of tapping using as many of the following phrases. Modify the statements or add your own to accommodate your own individual feelings.
- Even though my life will always be difficult, I’m still a good person.
- Even though my child will never ________, I can love him AND myself anyway.
- Even though I’m a bad parent because I _________, I’m doing my best and that’s enough for now.
- Even though my child always _________ and it’s so (frustrating, embarrassing, painful), I choose to love her and myself anyway.
4. After a few rounds of tapping, give each statement a validity rating again. Are your feelings less intense or more? As you tapped, did memories or feelings come up? If yes, you can continue tapping on these new feelings. If the memories or feelings are very intense, breathe deeply, imagining the breath flowing into your heart. Stop tapping if this feels right.
5. If the feelings are less intense, look at the statements again. Consider how you can begin shifting your beliefs. Start small! Choose something positive and new that you can believe and that you can see relatively quickly. Perhaps you can envision your child putting on one article of clothing without protest or allowing you to place a new food on his plate. If you don’t believe that your child will get dressed easily, can you believe that there is a possibility that she will be more cooperative.
6. Continue to believe a new impossible thing every day.
Did you know?
Many people with multiple personalities change eye color in the short interval it takes to transition from one ego to the next. Some have scars in one personality that disappear as another personality emerges. Many exhibit allergies and sensitivities in one personality but not another. (Spontaneous Evolution, p. 15)
You can learn how to change your beliefs too. Join one of my mothers’ circles.
This series is continued in Children as Catalysts for Spontaneous Evolution: The Role of Genes