Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

Inspired Living

I’ve known for a while, but this week, my knowing erupted anew. It said, “Make the change! Put self-love at the heart of everything you do. Be who you are.”

This blog has been stalled and stale because I was trying to be who I was in the past and who (and how) I thought I was supposed to be now. I thought I’d learned the value of being myself years ago, but I seem to have forgotten what I learned, and new layers and opportunities continue to present themselves. Here’s what I know today:

Swan Mothers is not an autism blog, even though autism rocked my world and launched me into the most amazing journey of my life.

Swan Mothers is not a parenting blog, though parenting my three children (autistic and otherwise unique and wonderful) has been the most rewarding, challenging, and transformative aspect of that journey.

Swan Mothers is, first and foremost, a blog about the transformative aspect of the parenting journey, and of life. It is about being my Truest, Brightest Self and sharing what I’ve learned with you. It is a space to consider where I’ve been and where I’m going, but most of all, to shine who I Am.

Enter Felix Felicis

Felix Felicis by 1995levente via DeviantArt

As I pondered the question of what to do with this awareness, a scene from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince popped into my head. In it, Harry takes a sip of Felix Felicis, also known as liquid luck, to help him accomplish a task in which he’d made no progress after months of trying. After drinking a few drops, he immediately knows what to do. His eyes light up and he says, “I have a really good feeling about this,” as he dashes off following inspiration, rather his carefully-laid plan.

This scene exemplifies Inspired Action. I have felt the frustration of doing, for the sake of doing. I have experienced little success in achieving my goals when taking action because it was the next logical step, or because an expert suggested it.

Henceforth, I shall act (and write) from with the spirit of Felix Felicis, wallowing in the sensation of infinite opportunity. I shall allow for periods of dormancy, stillness, and growth. And, when I am inspired to act, I shall follow Knowing and Inspiration, ready to be lucky in my endeavors.

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Self-Care for Mothers: Be Your Own Top Priority for a Few Minutes a Day

Why is it so easy to be smart about other people and so difficult to be smart for ourselves? 

My upper foot arm has been hurting since May. I waited two months before seeking healing assistance or doing anything about it.

If my children or husband announce a pain, I immediately pull out homeopathic remedies and research the symptoms. I suggest a visit to the chiropractor or a healer. For myself? I ignore symptoms and wait.  Yikes!

 

 

Taking Yourself Off the Back Burner

On an airplane, we are directed to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others. We cannot help our children if we are not breathing. How often to you forget to metaphorically breathe? 

The list of things we have to do is long. We cook, shop, drive, bath, conflict-mediate, drive some more, clean, coach, cuddle, coddle. We volunteer at school and scouts and soccer and do our day jobs.

Taking care of ourselves falls to the bottom of the list.

When we do not care for ourselves, resentment builds. We wonder why no one is taking care of us. Why should they when we demonstrate our Wonder Woman-ness all the time, subtly declaring, “I’ve got it! I can do that for you. I’m not important. I don’t need anything .”

Victim to Creator in 10-minutes per Day

You can do all of these exercises in one 10-minute stretch or do them one at a time throughout the day.

1 Minute:  Do the Thymus Thump.

Using your fingers, tap gently on the middle of your chest, directly on your sternum. While you tap, breathe slowly and deeply.

This exercise will stimulate your energies, boost your immune system, and release stress.

It really works. Try it now for 30 – 60 seconds and feel yourself come alive.

2 Minutes:  Breathe

Over-recommended and under-utilized, breath is the surest, easiest way to center and calm yourself.  Breath takes you out of the stressful fight or flight mode we live in much of the time and shifts the physiological processes in the body. Conscious breathing

  • increases ability to digest/absorb nutrients
  • releases hormones to balance the endocrine system
  • promotes healing

Imagine that your abdomen is a cylindrical container. Breathe in through your nose. For a count of three, feel the bottom of the cylinder pushing down. Continue to breathe in for a count of three more as you feel the sides of the cylinder expand. Continue to breathe in for a count of three more as you feel the top of the cylinder push up. Reverse for the exhale: top pushes down, sides push in, bottom pushes up. Continue for two minutes or at least until you have completed three full breaths in and out.

3 Minutes:  Connect with the World

In Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., writes, “…many times it is the things of nature that are the most healing, especially the very accessible and the very simple ones. The medicines of nature and powerful and straightforward…”

Take three minutes to go outside. Gaze at the stars or the clouds. Lay down on the grass. Sniff the air. Feel the warmth of the sun or the chill of the night.

Three minutes immersed in the enormity and continuance of the world will connect you to a force that will sustain and inspire you when you return to your ordinary busyness.

4 Minutes:  Write a List of Positive Aspects

Most days, we do a lot of things right. Most days our children and partners and those around us do something that uplifts us. In every day, there is something good.

Oprah and a hundred other people extol the value of gratitude lists and journals. This is because we find what we seek. If you look for the good in your children and those around you, you will see it.

Buy a journal and label it “Book of Positive Aspects.”  Each day, take four minutes to write down a few satisfactory things about you day. Can’t think of anything? Take a minute to breathe in and out of your heart and try again. ♥

  • What you did well.
  • Things you appreciate about your children and your partner.
  • Great features of your home or work life.

If you prefer group support, visit My Everyday Magic, a daily gratitude blogs hosted and visited by beautiful people. 

That’s it! By doing these four simple exercises, you will be your own top priority for at least ten minutes each day.  The good feelings you generate will overflow into the rest of the day.

In matters of health and healing, be fanatical about self-responsibility. Check facts and carefully evaluate if suggestions are right for you and your children.

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Groups Do It Faster

When I was 19, I was an instructor to aspiring camp counselors. One of my tasks was to lead the young women on a hike in the Catskill Mountains of New York.

I carefully selected a trail and hiked it myself to verify the time required for this activity. I reported to the senior instructors, “It took me three hours. But I hiked straight through and went really fast. I’m sure it will take a lot longer with a group of 20 girls.”

The women in charge laughed. “It will go much faster with a group of 20 girls.” I did not believe them.

On the day of the group hike, as I had suspected, there was much laughter, much talk, and many stops for complicated photo arrangements. The girls in the lead took a wrong turn at one point and we had to back-track for a while. It felt more like ambling than hiking. And yet, we were back at the trail head in two and a half hours.

I have since learned: progress and learning are faster and easier in a group. (If you don’t have a group to support you, join mine.)

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

A Rainbow of Emotions

Before children, I was even-tempered, reasonably calm, and uber-logical. I never screeched or hollered as a little girl. I did not pout or throw fits as a teen. I was a quiet and content wife.

I was astounded then at the emotions my children could elicit in me:

  • Explosive anger
  • Exuberant joy
  • Intense fear

I had not known these emotions dwelt within me, yet my children could provoke them with a word, a seemingly innocuous action, or by leaning on me.

I Join a Group

The first formal woman’s circle I joined wasn’t for mothers on the verge of losing it. It was a simple meditation group.  Mostly, we sat together with our eyes closed. At that time, I wasn’t even interested in (or aware of) meditation. I joined because the opportunity showed up for me when my children were small and I needed something – anything – to get away from home one evening per month.

The act of sitting in that circle began a transformative journey that continues to this day.  One of the greatest benefits has been that I am no longer a slave to my emotions.

Just from sitting in a circle?  Yes and no.  It all started there and it has been quite a journey.  (You can read all about it in my book, Swan Mothers: Discovering Our True Selves by Parenting Uniquely Magnificent Children.)

Support for Stressed-Out Mothers

I have been sitting in women’s circles for over a decade. Some circles lasted an hour. Others have been ongoing for years. Each has enriched my life.

I encourage you to find support for your own journey by coming together with other mothers of surprising children. Learn to listen to one another without judging. Being heard is in itself a healing experience. If you prefer anonymity or can’t find a local group, consider an on-line group.

A More Structured Group

If you need a place to start, please consider joining the Swan Mothers Circle. Our next session starts September 25 and is conducted by phone and on-line, so you can participate from anywhere. Recordings are also available in case you are not able to listen at the scheduled times.

My most recent group reported that they felt the support of the circle even when they listened to the recording.  All felt the group we highly useful.
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I Wish I Knew

What brings you such joy
that you gleefully giggle?
What brings you distress,
and sad, anxious sighs?
I gaze in green eyes.
I yearn to uncover
the mysteries in you
answers to whys.

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The Importance of Play

“Society needs all kinds of people. It needs the kids who play house and school and tea party. And it needs the kids who take apart their toys or categorize their toys or couldn’t care less about conventional toys. It needs the kids who enjoy staring at clouds and the kids who would rather figure out the iPad by themselves than ask a parent and the kids who are content to spend their recess period digging in the dirt with a stick.”

Musings of an Aspie

This morning as I was lying on the floor wrestling with my dog for her tennis ball–complete with fake growling on my part and some real growling on her part–I realized how important play is in my life.

Still. At the age of 45.

Since childhood, I’ve enjoyed playing board games and card games, solving puzzles and competing at (some) sports. Basically if there’s a game and I can potentially win at it, or at least enjoy trying, I’m there. But I’m also a huge fan of spontaneous, unstructured, completely pointless play.

Play in its purest form.

Play that arises in the moment and leads to unexpected, unbridled fun.

Which is probably why the assertion that autistic children don’t play “right” is so offensive to me. Why have autism researchers and therapists and clinicians forgotten the meaning of play? Worse, why are autistic kids so often described as not understanding…

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Expanding Awareness (Thank you, autism)

autismpositivity2013button2The next stage of human evolution will be marked by awareness that we are all interdependent cells within the super-organism called humanity.
Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. and Steve Bhaerman in Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future (And a Way to Get There from Here)

I find immeasurable value in Awareness, the state of being able to perceive, feel, and be conscious of people, ideas, and patternsSince I first heard the word autism (December 2000), my Awareness expanded exponentially. My worldview widened, and continues to grow. I evolved, and continue to evolve.

 Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed.
Thich Nhat Hanh

Before autism (and my children) expanded my Awareness, I was very certain of what I should do, how people should act, and how the world should be. Because my children didn’t match my image of how children were supposed to be, because I loved them, and because I wanted to be the mother they needed, I softened. I realized the value of being like bamboo, flexible and bending with changing conditions. I recognized the importance of acknowledging when I was wrong. I learned to be different from the mother I’d been expecting to be. Without the gift of autism, I would be shallower, more narrow-minded, and more rigid.

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.
Albert Einstein

The diversity that we observe in individuals today demonstrates that there is no one optimal way to be. We can expand our Awareness by interacting, working, and playing with one another. We can learn to communicate with words and beyond words, recognizing that the task learning to communicate across styles does not fall to any group, but is a task for all.

It is not survival of the fittest, but cooperation, interaction, and mutual dependence among life forms that allows for the global expression of life.
Lynn Margulis in Symbiosis in Cell Evolution

The spectrum of people on the planet today is an invitation to see the essence of one another. It is an invitation to look with new eyes and listen with new ears, and to perceive with our hearts or our senses. It is an invitation to expand our perceptions and evolve. It is an opportunity to embrace uniqueness and individuality while recognizing our oneness.

Autism rocked by world in the most amazing way possible. Read more in my post Work in Progress and in the book that tells my story, and those of other changed mothers, Swan Mothers: Discovering Our True Selves by Parenting Uniquely Magnificent Children.

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What’s Your Story and How Can You Evolve?

The Kabbalah describes angels as bundles of light, meaning intelligence and consciousness. Kabbalists believe that above every blade of grass is an angel crying “Grow! Grow!”  I believe that above the entire human race is one super-angel, crying “Evolve! Evolve!”

Steven Pressfield in The War of Art

In captivity, a baby elephant is tied to a post with a rope. No matter how he pulls, he cannot get free. When the elephant matures, putting a rope around his leg will keep him in place. Even though he could easily free himself, he does not. He has long-since resigned himself to the all-powerfulness of the rope.

This limiting belief about his own strength was programmed in his youth. It keeps the adult elephant tethered and docile.

People too are programmed early in life. We get so accustomed to living our stories that soon we don’t realize that we are now all grown up and can break that rope and live free.

What story are you telling ? What is the story teaching your child? Do you see autism as a curse? Can you see it as a gift?

Two Natures of Human Existance

Throughout history, people have noted two natures of human existence:

1.    Static

2.    Dynamic

1. History Repeats Itself

Static stories are based on predictable, repeating patterns in nature.  The static nature of our existence is symbolized by the circle or the ouroboros and illustrated in the changing seasons and the path of the Earth around the sun.

This is the pattern we see in our families.

“He’s just like my father,  jumping all over the place.  He just can’t sit still.”

“My family has a history of depression…”  or lying, or abandoning people, or being left-handed.

2. LifeSpiral2Evolution

Dynamic stories demonstrate progress based on evolution and learning. Human behavior changes dramatically when people encounter new information and experiences.

The dynamic nature of our existence is symbolized by arrow or a zooming rocket.

Predictable Cycles and Dramatic Leaps Occur Simultaneously

People who live close to the land survive by living in harmony with nature. Progress is not required.

Those in the modern world are preoccupied with progress.

“Unfortunately, the glamour of technology has eclipsed humanity’s connection with Nature, and the pursuit of technological advancement has contributed to disharmony, imbalance, and global crisis.” (Bruce Lipton and Steve Bhaerman in Spontaneous Evolutionp. 46.)

Lipton and Bhaerman say that uniting the principles of harmony and balance with the principles of technological evolution leads to a self-sustaining and thriving civilization symbolized by a universe-friendly spiral of evolution.

The spiral is also the symbol of the Wise Woman tradition.

A spiral always returns to itself, but never repeats. “Spirals remind us that live is movement, that each moment is unique, and that form is the essence of transformation.” (Susun Weed in Healing Wise, p. 11.)

Jump Off the Hamster Wheel and Evolve

Two hundred species a day die to support human existence. This matters because we are not separate from non-human life on Earth. We are part of it.

Since the time of the Fertile Crescent, we have been shifting away from balance and harmony. Our way of life is not sustainable.

Our children are experiencing life on Earth differently from us to show us that humanity’s way of life must change if we are to survive.

(To read much more about this, please see the work of Daniel Quinn.)

When you find yourself on a vicious cycle, for goodness sakes, stop peddling!
~ Swami Beyondananda (Spontaneous Evolution, p. 85)

What we must have – and nothing less – is a whole world full of people with changed minds.
~ Daniel Quinn (If They Give You Lined Paper Write Sideways, p. 180)

Just as the people of the Middle Ages could not have predicted the Renaissance, we cannot envision what the change that sustains the world will ultimately look like. We do know that we must return to living harmony with all creation.

The founding slogan of the United States is “out of many, one.” Let us watch our children. Let’s learn from them — and evolve.

You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
~ Khalil Gibran (The Prophet, On Children)

Everything will change when your desire to move on exceeds your desire to hold on.
~ Alan Cohen

References

Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future (and a Way to Get There from Here)
If They Give You Lined Paper, Write Sideways.
Healing Wise (Wise Woman Herbal Series)

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The Role of Genes in Spontaneous Evolution

In a recent post, I wrote about my meeting with Bruce Lipton, Ph.DIn this post, I continue to share information from his book (with Steve BhaermanSpontaneous Evolution:  Our Positive Future (And a Way to Get There from Here) and my thoughts about how it relates to today’s Uniquely Magnificent children.

Where’s the Brain?

Genes are in the nucleus of the cell. Since genes are presumed to control life, many people believe that the nucleus is the brain of the cell. But when the nucleus is removed from a cell, the cell continues to function normally until it needs to replace protein parts. Organisms die when the brain is removed.

Genes are simply blueprints used to make protein parts.

Like the blueprints for a house, they cannot be turned off or on. Genes are just information until someone (or something) uses them to create a (protein) structure.

Where’s the brain?

New-Edge Biology teaches us that the cell membrane is the brain of the cell.

The Cell is Not a Bag of Solution

The picture of a cell that we studied in school  is outdated. As biologists study cells, they are discovering more and more structures. They have also determined that cells are not isolated by their membranes. Protein switches are built into the membrane and cells are connected to their surroundings

Signals from the environment of the cell activate these switches. Thus, the switches transmit information from the outside to the inside of the cell. This information is used to initiate activities that enable the cell to sustain its life.

Signals from the ever-changing environment direct cell function. Perceptions of the environment control (cell) behavior.

Bruce and Steve write:

“…the fact that perceptions control behavior at both the cellular and the human level – is the real secret to life!”

At least one third of all medical healing are attributed to the placebo effect.

When an inert substance is ingested, people sometimes experience unpleasant reactions or “side-effects” – even though they are ingesting a sugar pill.  This is called the nocebo effect.

Dis-ease

If cell function is the result of the interaction between proteins and their complimentary signals,there can be only two real causes of dis-ease:

  1. Defective proteins
  2. Distorted signal

According to Spontaneous Evolution, 95% of the human population arrives on this planet with a perfectly functional set of gene blueprints.Thus, most dis-ease manifestations can be attributed to a disrupted signal.

How Signals Get Disrupted and How to Correct the Disruptions

1.     Trauma

Physical injuries disrupt the flow of energy in the body by causing physical and energetic kinks and blocks in information pathways. A misaligned spin, broken bones, and torn muscles may result in the distortion of information being exchanged between the brain, cells, tissues, and organs.

·         Correct trauma on the spot by using homeopathic first aid remedies.

See Super-Easy Homeopathic First Aid for a list of the seven remedies I always carry and how to use them.

·         Are you or your child experiencing the effects of older traumas?

If you have never been well since that car accident/that fall/that time you got really sick, homeopathy or matrix reimprinting may help.

2.     Toxicity

Toxic chemicals from vaccines, cleaners, pesticides, carpets, and food additives can remain in our bodies. They distort the signal’s information on its path between the nervous system and the targeted cells and tissues.

·         Homotoxicological remedies stimulate the detoxification and healing processes.

If you believe that toxicity is a disruptive factor for your child, you can read more about homotoxicology and homeotherapeutics here.

3.     Thought

Thoughts create reality. If the mind misinterprets signals and generates an inappropriate response, necessary functions may be severely disrupted. (Consider a person with anorexia who sees herself as fat, when she is in fact starving.)

·         Change your beliefs with EFT and Matrix Reimprinting

Matrix Reimprinting can transform the limiting, self-sabotaging beliefs most of us have acquired from our life experiences.

References

Spontaneous Evolution:  Our Positive Future (And a Way to Get There from Here),” Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. and Steve Bhaerman (17-26)

Energy Medicine:  The Scientific Basis,” James L. Oschman (43-50)

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What If Everything We Know is Wrong?

“What If Everything You Know is Wrong!”

Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. and Steve Bhaerman in Spontaneous Evolution:  Our Positive Future (And a Way to Get There from Here.)

What would happen if the impossible became possible?

What if we could make it happen?

Steve Bhaerman (writing as Swami Beyondananda) says: The best way to face the unknown is by not knowing.

How is your perception of your child shaped by what you “know?”

If you have a child that is very different from the child you expected, you may have had him or her evaluated by a psychiatrist or a developmental pediatrician. Perhaps this professional provided you a list of the things your child will never do. And you believed her.

  • He will never talk or ride a bike.
  • She will never have friends or a social life.
  • He will never have a job and live on his own.
  • She will never play creatively.
  • He will never understand idioms or humor.
  • She will never go to college.
  • He will never get married.

We are influenced by what we see and hear and read.

When we engage experts to evaluate our children, we hope that they will provide useful information. We think that they hold some key that will help us to help our children.

Sometimes, we do receive useful information. Too often though, we are handed a list of problems and “defects” along with a recommendation for weekly therapies that are to go on for years.

What would happen if we believed something different from the prognosis we are given?

People do impossible things every day.

  • People walk on fire. Those who expect the coals to burn them, get burned. Those who don’t, don’t.
  • Twice a year, 50,000 people of the Bakhtiari tribe of Persia walk for days in snow and ice over at 15,000 foot mountain pass during their annual migrations. They walk barefoot.
  • Mothers lift cars that fall on their children.
  • A small group of fundamentalists known as Free Pentecostal Holiness Church drink poison but are not harmed because they believe that God is protecting them.
  • Every day, spontaneous remissions occur and patients who have been told that they will certainly die, recover.

How do people accomplish these impossible feats?

They suspend their limiting beliefs and shift to an unshakeable belief that they will succeed in their mission. Bruce and Steve write: “The hardest part about the belief game is that you either believe something or you don’t – there is no middle ground.”

How to Change Your Beliefs About Your Child — and Yourself

1.  Make a list of what you believe about your child (or yourself.) You may include items such as:

  • My life will always be difficult (with this child).
  • My child will never _______________.
  • My child always _______________.
  • I’m a bad parent (because ________________).

2.  Give each statement a validity rating on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is not true at all and 10 is very true or very intense. This is a subjective, internal rating of the intensity of feeling you have about the truth of the statement.  When you ask yourself, “How true is this for me?” write down the number that pops into your head.
3.  Use the basic EFT recipe to begin shifting the hold these beliefs have on you. Do a round (or more) of tapping using as many of the following phrases. Modify the statements or add your own to accommodate your own individual feelings.

  • Even though my life will always be difficult, I’m still a good person.
  • Even though my child will never ________, I can love him AND myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m a bad parent because I _________, I’m doing my best and that’s enough for now.
  • Even though my child always _________ and it’s so (frustrating, embarrassing, painful), I choose to love her and myself anyway.

4.  After a few rounds of tapping, give each statement a validity rating again. Are your feelings less intense or more? As you tapped, did memories or feelings come up? If yes, you can continue tapping on these new feelings. If the memories or feelings are very intense, breathe deeply, imagining the breath flowing into your heart. Stop tapping if this feels right. 

5.  If the feelings are less intense, look at the statements again. Consider how you can begin shifting your beliefs. Start small! Choose something positive and new that you can believe and that you can see relatively quickly. Perhaps you can envision your child putting on one article of clothing without protest or allowing you to place a new food on his plate.  If you don’t believe that your child will get dressed easily, can you believe that there is a possibility that she will be more cooperative.

6. Continue to believe a new impossible thing every day.

Did you know?

Many people with multiple personalities change eye color in the short interval it takes to transition from one ego to the next. Some have scars in one personality that disappear as another personality emerges. Many exhibit allergies and sensitivities in one personality but not another. (Spontaneous Evolution, p. 15)

You can learn how to change your beliefs too. Join one of my mothers’ circles.

This series is continued in Children as Catalysts for Spontaneous Evolution:  The Role of Genes

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Beliefs Create Biology

“…collective beliefs of a culture or society also affect our personal biology or behavior.”

Bruce H. Lipton, Ph.D. and Steve Bhaerman in Spontaneous Evolution: Our Positive Future (And a Way to Get There from Here.(Emphasis mine.)

What is your reaction upon reading that? It is easy to agree that cultural and societal beliefs and norms affect our behavior. But can beliefs affect our biology?

Our behavior certainly affects our biology. On a fundamental level, the foods we eat, the beverages we drink, and the air we breathe become our body. While we are eating an apple, we see it as separate from ourselves. Within a few hours, we experience that apple as ourselves.

What is it within us that creates human beings from apples? Something within us changes an apple into a human being.

This same something can re-wire our brains (and change our biology) beyond social upbringing, family situations, and genetics.

(Thanks to Sadhguru for this insight.)

The Earth and the biosphere (which includes each of us) are an integrated living system.

If our beliefs are creating our bodies, our experiences, and our Planet, what would happen if most of us changed our beliefs?

What do you believe is the future of our children?

What do you believe about life?

Most of us have a whole series of limiting core beliefs such as:

  1. I don’t deserve an easy life.
  2. I’ll never have enough money/love/happiness.
  3. I’m stupid/ugly/unlovable.
  4. I’m being punished because I’ve done some bad things.

How has your child has changed your fundamental beliefs about life? Tell me in the comments or visit the Swan Mothers page on FaceBook.

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