The shock, pain and sadness of loss may be experienced after any separation. For children, this may be a move to a new area, the end of a friendship, or the loss of a pet or a loved one. For a parent, the ultimate loss is the loss of a child. There are other losses that are significant: divorce, loss of independence, and loss of dreams.

Those who want to be parents but face infertility, grieve. When a child is diagnosed with a developmental dis-order such as autism or PDD-NOS, parents feel the pain of a loss for the child that could have been. It takes time to adjust expectations and embrace the life we have, rather than the life we envisioned.

Autism rights activist Jim Sinclair wrote: Parents often report that learning their child is autistic was the most traumatic thing that ever happened to them.

Some non-autistic people see autism as a great tragedy, and some parents experience continuing disappointment and grief at all stages of the child’s and family’s life cycle.

This grief does not stem from the child’s autism in itself. It is grief over the loss of the normal child the parents had hoped and expected to have. Parents’ attitudes and expectations, and the discrepancies between what parents expect of children at a particular age and their own child’s actual development, may cause more stress and anguish than the practical complexities of life with an autistic person.

Some amount of grief is natural as parents adjust to the fact that an event and a relationship they’ve been looking forward to isn’t going to materialize. But grief over a fantasized normal child needs to be separated from the parents’ perceptions of the child they do have. (I encourage you to read the whole article Don’t Mourn for Us by Jim Sinclair, from which the above is exerted.)

Advice for Bereavement

As with all the information that I provide, please take that which serves you and let the rest go.

• Acknowledge the loss.
• Whether the loss seems big or small, honor the feelings you are experiencing.
• Do not feel guilty that you are grieving the fantasized normal child or your dream that your child would be playing golf or piano or talking by now.
• All feelings are valid.

• Be prepared for waves of emotion.

• All of your feelings will not come at once.
• Be gentle with yourself.
• Feel whatever you are feeling without trying to put on a happy face – or trying to do anything.

• Allow yourself to have your own experience.

• Everyone processes loss differently.
• Do not judge yourself by the experiences or time-lines of others, even if they experienced a similar loss.

• Accept that you will learn to live with this loss and that you may never “get over it.”

• Some losses are too big to “get over.”
• You can laugh and go out and enjoy a meal or a movie.
• You can enjoy life even while grieving.
• You can be sad for “too long.”
• You do not need to justify or explain your process.

• Seek and accept support that is right for you.

• Join a group or lean on a friend.
• Consider these Six Tips for Surviving the Darkest Days.

• Support Yourself with Cell Salts

• The cell salts calc phos and kali phos offer gentle support for grieving mothers, fathers, and children.

Homeopathy for Loss

In the chart below, I list a few of the remedies commonly indicated for loss and grief.

Taking a homeopathic remedy will not numb your feelings or make you forget the loss. The remedy will support you and assist you in processing your emotions.

 

Remedy	Indications
Ignatia	Grief with shock after the loss of a child, parent, friend or pet.  Fighting the tears and swallowing your feelings.  Feel a lump in the throat.  Crazy laughter alternating with pitiful tears. First remedy to consider for recent losses.
Gelsemium	Paralysed with grief, possibly after the death of a child.  Hard to cry.  Sluggish. Complete lack of energy.  Mind goes blank.
Nat Mur	Old grief. Or, a new grief that awakens the unexpressed sadness from old losses.  See Nat Mur: A Remedy for Almost Everybody
Pulsatilla	Grief-struck and weepy.  Cries easily, especially when talking about what happened.
Staphysagria	Resentment after loss.  Angry. Blaming.

I recently came across another remedy for deep grief.  “Cygnus cygnus is a powerful remedy for deep seated grief that pervades the psyche with a deep sorrow that cannot be overcome.”  Read more here.

Where to Buy and How to Take Homeopathic Remedies

Homeopathic remedies may be purchased at most health food stores or through websites such as 1-800homeopathy.  Select the 30c potency.

To take the remedy, open the remedy vial and shake 3-4 pellets into the cap. Tip the pellets into the mouth without touching the cap to the mouth. Allow the pellets to dissolve in the mouth.

Take the remedy every evening at bedtime, at least 15 minutes after eating, drinking, and brushing teeth. Continue for one week. Evaluate how you feel. If you feel better, stop taking the remedy. If symptoms resume later, take the remedy for another week.

If you do not feel different, select a different remedy or consult a homeopath who can help you choose the correct remedy for you.

In matters of health and healing, be fanatical about self-responsibility. Cell Salts and homeopathic remedies enable you to participate actively in your own healing.  At the same time, you should continue to see your doctor and therapist for examinations, advice, and treatment.    Nothing on this site is intended as a substitute for medical advice.

References for this post:

Miranda Castro:  Homeopathic Guide to Stress:  Safe and Effective Natural Ways to Alleviate Physical and Emotional Stress.

Didier Grandgeorge, MD:  The Spirit of Homeopathic Medicines:  Essential Insights to 300 Remedies.

 

Remedy	Indications
Ignatia	Grief with shock after the loss of a child, parent, friend or pet.  (Very useful for recent losses.) Fighting the tears and swallowing your feelings. Feel a lump in the throat. Crazy laughter alternating with pitiful tears. Paralysed with grief, possibly after the death of a child. Hard to cry. Sluggish.  Complete lack of energy. Mind goes blank. Old grief.  Or, a new grief that awakens the unexpressed sadness from old losses. See Nat Mur:  A Remedy for Almost Everybody Grief-struck and weepy. Cries easily, especially when talking about what happened. Resentment after loss. Angry.  Blaming.
Gelsemium
Nat Mur
Pulsatilla
Staphysagria

Remedy	Indications
Ignatia	Grief with shock after the loss of a child, parent, friend or pet. (Very useful for recent losses.)  Fighting the tears and swallowing your feelings.  Feel a lump in the throat.  Crazy laughter alternating with pitiful tears.  Paralysed with grief, possibly after the death of a child.  Hard to cry.  Sluggish. Complete lack of energy.  Mind goes blank.  Old grief. Or, a new grief that awakens the unexpressed sadness from old losses.  See Nat Mur: A Remedy for Almost Everybody  Grief-struck and weepy.  Cries easily, especially when talking about what happened.  Resentment after loss.  Angry. Blamin
Gelsemium
Nat Mur
Pulsatilla
Staphysagria	Remedy Indications Ignatia Grief with shock after the loss of a child, parent, friend or pet.  (Very useful for recent losses.) Fighting the tears and swallowing your feelings. Feel a lump in the throat. Crazy laughter alternating with pitiful tears. Paralysed with grief, possibly after the death of a child. Hard to cry. Sluggish.  Complete lack of energy. Mind goes blank. Old grief.  Or, a new grief that awakens the unexpressed sadness from old losses. See Nat Mur:  A Remedy for Almost Everybody Grief-struck and weepy. Cries easily, especially when talking about what happened. Resentment after loss. Angry.  Blaming. Gelsemium Nat Mur Pulsatilla Staphysagria

 

 

 

 

Posted in Homeopathy & Cell Salts, Tips for Helping Yourself

Tags: homeopathy for grief, learning your child has autism

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