Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

How can I follow my heart when all it wants to do is sleep?

This year, one of my (few!) intentions is to listen to my heart and to obey my inner wisdom.  I know, I know:  cliché, blasé. I’m doing it anyway. I’ve realized that all of “secret to happiness” books say the same thing because it really is that simple.

Yet only one month into the New Year, I’ve  encountered an obstacle.  My heart just wants to sleep. A lot.

I like to write at night and nap a bit during the day. Yesterday, I dropped into bed for my siesta late in the day and severely over-tired.  When I woke after an hour’s sleep, I did not want to get up.

I pulled the covers around me and asked myself, “What feels good right now?”  Yeah.  Ask a drowsy body that.  My body begged for 15 more minutes. I closed my eyes and drifted off to that lovely space between sleep and waking.  (I could stay there forever.)  When I woke for the second (or was it the third?  fourth?! time), through the fog and delight of that in-between place, I asked my heart again, “What feels good right now?” Again, I heard the yearning for continued sleep.  Then, through the haze, I perceived something else. A question:  “Which feels better? What do you want more? 30 minutes in la-la land or a strong healthy body?” (I had been so tired that I lay down before exercising.) “Which do you want more? 30 minutes of sleep — or to write a few more pages of the book?”

Ah!  The always-insightful heart-wisdom pulled me to half-awake.  It knew that even though I had to drag myself out of bed and even though I hated putting on my gym shoes, in a few months I would feel magnificent if I did this today — and tomorrow, and the day after.

When we ask our heart a question, listening intently will reveal the true response.

Sometimes, the first response comes from a place that is not our heart. My heart-wisdom does not have a whiny and pathetic voice.  It’s timbre is strong and, usually, gentle.

When I ask my heart a question and am not sure who or what responded, I ask:  “Who is speaking?”  Whether it is my ego or my heart, it must answer truthfully.

Listening to Heart-Wisdom in Parenting

All children, and particularly uniquely magnificent children, those who are autistic, ADHD, indigo or exceptionally challenging in some way, require a lot of real work from their parents.  We do the physical things:  prepare meals, launder clothing, read with them, drive them to lessons and appointments.  We are called upon to be patient and kind and loving — often when our children’s behavior does not automatically elicit gentle responses.  We do a hundred things every day to be the kind of parents we choose to be.

Each day, both in parenting and in self-care, we are presented with opportunities to live from our heart.  I often ask myself, “How can this be easy?” or “What feels good?” My first response is usually right on. However, sometimes what feels good in the moment – and usually only for that moment — would not make me feel good overall.

The energy release of slapping a defiant child might feel wonderful in the doing — particularly if you have been doing patient and loving for 30 minutes and the defiance shows no sign of yielding. But the second after the slap, the feeling of relief flips to shame and disappointment in self and to sadness for the child.  We wonder, “Why does it have to be so hard?”  (What happened to easy?)

Accessing Heart Wisdom

Here is a simple and effective way to calm yourself and access heart wisdom.

1.       Place your hand on your heart.

2.       Breathe into your heart for a count of six.

3.       Breathe out of your heart for a count of six.

4.       Continue until you feel centered and congruent with your heart.

If you are using this exercise for calming, stop here.  To access heart wisdom, continue.

5.       Ask your heart a question.  If you want to know something but aren’t sure how to phrase it, ask, “What do I need to know right now?”

6.       Listen.

Preventative Maintenance

Do the above exercise daily – or hourly – to keep yourself healthy mentally, emotionally and physically.

An Invitation

Won’t you join me in listening to your heart-wisdom?  A group of mothers and I gather by phone or Skype for a few weeks and learn to change ourselves.  Peace in our homes begins with us.

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Tapping into Stress Relief

I am sometimes asked how I stay so calm with my children. The truth is, I’m not always calm, but I have come a long way. One of the tools that helped me get here is meridian tapping.

Since I learned about EFT (a type of meridian tapping) in 2010, it has gone mainstream, and with good reason. By tapping on a few specific points on your body,  you can dramatically reduce your stress level, often in just a few minutes.

Meridian Tapping is a technique that combines talking about a problem and tapping on meridian points to bring about different, more comfortable feelings about it.

 

A Bit More Information

Meridian Tapping Techniques are an emotional, needle-free version of acupuncture, Tapping on certain meridian points with the fingertips shifts energy and can help us to regain our equilibrium. Since emotional stress can contribute to discomfort, EFT often provides astonishing relief.

Click here to learn how to tap with my Super-Easy Tapping Guide.

Why do we need to deal with emotions?

E-motions are energy in motion.  Energy is the invisible foundation for health in the body.  The body is composed of energy pathways and energy centers that are in a dynamic interplay with the cells, organs, moods, and thoughts.

When we shift these energies using homeopathic remedies or meridian stimulation techniques, we influence our health, emotions, and state of mind.

Tap for Stress-Reduction

  • Think of something that troubles you.
    • Where do you feel it?
    • On a scale from 1 to 10, how intense is this feeling?
  • Now, focusing on this feeling, begin tapping on your karate chop point with your other hand.  Say, “Even though I have (this feeling), I am a really good person.”
  • How do you feel now?
    • How intense is that feeling on a scale of 1 to 10?
    • Did you think of anything while tapping?
      • If yes, you can tap on this new feeling or memory.

When to Use EFT

Whenever you feel

  • stressed,
  • frustrated,
  • sad,
  • angry.

What to Say While Tapping

Begin tapping on the Karate Chop point while saying the following set-up phrases.

  • Even though I am so frustrated, I want to love and accept myself anyway.
  • Even though I am so stressed, I want to accept and forgive myself.
  • Even though this is really crazy, I love myself and am willing to try this way to calm myself.
TH: I just want to have one ordinary normal day.
EB: Even a nice, normal hour.
OE: My whole body is tense.
UE: The stress is really getting to me.
UN: I eat too much (or not enough).
CH: I don’t have any time for myself.
CB: I have to manage every minute of every day.
UA: I feel so alone.
UN: I feel scared.
Thumb: Sad.
IF: Overwhelmed.
MF: Angry.
RF: Sad.
LF: Angry.
  • ET I have this difficult life, I am willing to consider the possibility that it can be easier.
  • ET I feel angry and frustrated, I am open to the idea that I can find peace in my days.
  • ET I feel like I can’t take it anymore, I am a good mother.
TH: My life is very challenging.
EB: I am handling it well.
OE: I make lots of mistakes.
UE: I also do a lot of things right.
UN: The stress of having this child is difficult sometimes.
CH: There are also times of great joy.
CB: Sometimes I want to go hide or run away.
UA: Sometimes I am grateful for the privilege of being with this amazing kid.
UN: I’m doing a good job.
Thumb: Nobody understands.
IF: I’m sad.
MF: Angry.
RF: Frustrated.
LF: I am doing my best.
  • ET I have a challenging life, I choose to embrace it with grace.
  • ET I get so stressed sometimes, I choose to find a way to find peace and relief.
  • ET I sometimes wish it was different for me, I choose to love the life and the child I have.
TH: I choose to be strong.
EB: I choose to forgive myself as often as necessary.
OE: I choose to forgive my spouse when he/she does not do enough.
UE: I choose to forgive my child(ren) for annoying me.
UN: I choose to be easy on myself.
CH: I choose to find time for myself every day.
CB: I choose to have joy in my life.
UA: I choose to have peace in my life.
UN: I am o.k.
Thumb: I choose to love myself.
IF: I choose to be easy on myself.
MF: I am o.k.
RF: I am o.k.
LF: I am o.k.

If, as you are tapping along with the script, you think of another issue or feeling, tap on it.  If you feel a sensation in your body, tap on it.

For example, if you begin to feel a tightness in your throat while tapping, go back to the Karate Chop Point and use a set-up phrase like, “Even though I have this intense tightness in my throat, I want to love myself anyway.”

As you tap through the points, use a simple reminder phrase such as, “This tightness in my throat.”  If the sensation changes again, change your words while continuing to tap through the points.  For example, “This choking feeling in my throat.”

The tapping scripts are provided to give you an idea of how to start and to get the feel of using EFT.  It is always more important to use your own words than mine. Trust yourself.  Notice what comes up.  Tap on it without judging yourself or the feeling.

When I first read about EFT, I was intrigued.  Yet when I tried it for myself, I was not impressed.  Nothing seemed to happen.  I hope that your experience is different.  I will not go into all of the reasons that it did not work for me.  However, since I am now an EFT practitioner and proponent and use EFT for myself constantly, I want you to know that what made a difference for me was having a session with an EFT practitioner.  About 45 minutes into my first session, I experienced a huge emotional release and understood the value of this technique.

If you would like to experience a guided EFT/meridian taping session, please contact me. Free tapping circles for mothers coming soon.

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