My paternal grandmother was a master of self-indulgence and womanly arts. Each year, on my grandfather’s birthday, she would buy herself a new dress, “So he can enjoy looking at me.”
My grandmother managed to travel all over the world, despite limited means. My husband recalls her delight as she told him in heavily-accented English, “Mahyke. I go lots of places. Rome. Fatima. Mayami, every winter. I go Hawaii, tree time. I go Aruba. They have divi divi tree. ”
Her hair was always done and she was always carefully dressed. In her last years in a nursing home, she was known as Queen Irene.
It took me almost 40 years to appreciate her gift for honoring herself. Before that, I had considered her focus on appearances and travels shallow and frivolous. Now, I know that self-care, self-confidence, and self-love are not indulgences, but a necessary foundation for being able to do our work in the world. The most important aspect of my life work, at the moment, is caring for my children. When I nourish my body, soul, and spirit, my children have a much better mother.
From Me, To Me
In the midst of the holiday season, consider doing something nice for yourself. Linger in your favorite store, or avoid the stores and sit down for a cup of tea with a friend. Savor a good book, or give yourself permission to take a nap.
Consider giving yourself a gift that will keep on giving throughout the year. May I suggest the gift of camaraderie, support, and tools for easier living for mothers who want to see the best in their children?
My book, Swan Mothers, is available in paperback or Kindle formats. You can read the first chapter for free via Amazon’s sample.
There is an old Zen story about a young lioness that was lost on a mountainside. She is found by a ewe who nurses her and cares for her.
If you are reading this, you probably have children that are quite confidently not sheep. They may be challenging to parent and difficult to live with. Could this be because they know who they are? Could they be showing us that we too are not sheep — for lionesses birth lion cubs, not lambs.
This post is brought to you from 30,000 feet in the air, from Phoenix to Detroit. As I look at my fellow passengers, I see people napping, reading, chatting, working. In three hours, we will have traversed most of the country. Yet no one seems astounded by the magic that we are experiencing, sitting in cushioned seats flying through the air. Just as few seem to perceive the magic that is present in today’s children.
Daniel was working on his homework on morning while I fried eggs for breakfast. Not understanding a math problem, he became frustrated. As he gritted his teeth and whined, I turned around and quickly solved the equation for him. “There you go!” I said turning back to the stove. Instead of politely thanking me, he cried,“No, no! Don’t do it for me. Teach me!”
Swan Mothers 