I had it in me all along.
Of course.
But I didn’t know.
Didn’t admit it.
Modesty,
sometimes very real,
sometimes really phony,
fell away.
Realization came in flash:
I would write a book.
Imbued with insight
from an experienced author-coach,
Supported in camaraderie
by a circle of writers,
I stripped bare
revealing, repeatedly, my Self.
Though I prefer the safety of caves and shadows,
silence deep in the forest,
stillness of night,
though exposure felt odd and new,
writing felt right.
I wrote.
On October 22, 2012, the paperback edition of Swan Mothers was published.
On October 31, 2012, the Kindle edition was released into the world.
Publications was . . . anticlimactic. The road to holding the book in my hands had been long, winding, and interspersed with reroutings. And yet, there was a feeling of having arrived. I had accomplished something Big. I had written and published a (really awesome) book. I knew my book would heal mothers and improve the lives of children. I know it will transform the world.
The knowing is ephemeral, slippery.
One day, I know,
KNOW for sure.
The next,
I know nothing at all.
A reviewer writes:
someone has put into words and clarified for me what my soul knows to be true
and my soul sings.
No books sell for a month,
and I wonder why I wrote at all.
Why did You lead me to believe this work was Divinely inspired?
Why did You make me think taking myself and my family public was acceptable?
Why, oh, why, am I here?
One year later:
Exposed.
Stripped.
Exhibited.
Wondering
where to go, now that I’ve arrived,
what to do, now that this work is done.
Editing to say, you can buy Swan Mothers from Amazon.com.
Swan Mothers 
Reblogged this on Weaving Gold and commented:
Reblogging from my parenting blog, my reflections on the first anniversary of the publication of my first published book.
Oh, how I love you and FEEL YOU! I have no words of wisdom, just know that I very clearly understand. And I love your honesty as well as your strength in your vulnerability, Dear Sister.
Thank you. Love you. Glad we’re in this together.
I feel this too! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Congrats on your first anniversary, and here’s to rising sales for us all. ..
Thank you! Best wishes to you as your work goes forth in the world.
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