If you had a preconceived notion of what your child would be like, how he or she would act, look and behave, what you are experiencing may not be want you wanted or expected. Letting go of our “dream child” can be difficult task. Even more difficult may be letting go of the “dream parent” we imagined we would be.
Our children will not be parented as we learned to parent (or not to parent) in our childhoods or by observing trends around us. We might find ourselves grieving the loss of the child that never materialized and mourning the parent that we wish to be, but cannot.
The Children We Wanted, the Child We Have
We know that there is no quick fix that will make our autistic or neurodivergent child into the dream child we envisioned (possibly without realizing that we had some picture in our minds) before they arrived. There is no way to ease into the mode parenting we once imagined.
Our grief can blind us. It can prevent us from seeing the unique magnificence of the children we do have. It may keep us from experiencing the greatness of our own love and power.
Either all children and parents are perfect – or none of us is. Perhaps in our trying and striving and doing our best, we are enough. Maybe our children are enough, without needing to do anything. Conversely, we might all fall short of the mark of perfection.
In either case, feeling miserable and acting inadequate serves none of us.
As we reflect on a day, we may sometimes feel that we’ve done well. On other days, we may be overwhelmed by our multitude of failures.
A Return to Love
Marianne Williamson recognized an important truth and penned it into what has been called a poem and a prayer. It is actually an excerpt from her book, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles.”
I invite you to read this passage (below in blue) and to tap on the suggested points.
As you tap, pay attention to what is happening in your body. Notice any memories or feelings that come to the surface. Write them down in a notebook to be tapped on later.
Do Your Own Experiment
In their book, Matrix Reimprinting Using EFT: Rewrite Your Past, Transform Your Future, Karl Dawson and Sasha Allenby suggest that it takes 21 days for new neural connections to form in the brain.
Tap on the script that follows for 21 days and notice any changes.
Contact a professional Matrix Reimprinting practitioner if you need help.
Feel Your Mother Power Tapping Script
Our Greatest Fear is not that we are inadequate. (TH)
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. (BE)
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. (SE)
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?” (UE)
Actually, who are you not to be? (UN)
You are a child of God. (CH)
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. (CB)
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. (UA)
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. (Thumb)
It is not just in some of us, (Index Finger)
it is in every one, (Middle Finger)
And as we let our own light shine, (Ring Finger)
We unconsciously give other people Permission to do the same. (Little Finger)
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. (Karate Chop)
When you have tapped on these words, try tapping from the perspective of “My greatest fear…” and “Her greatest fear.”
I read about tapping on these words in an article by eaglemoon raes.