Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

Good Enough Parenting

This is the curious paradox: when we accept ourselves as we are, then we change. (Carl Rogers)

Mothering is Our Job

In our work as parents, we strive for an ideal. We know how we want our parenting to look:  joyful connection with our children, preparation of healthy meals, living in a clean and beautiful environment, reading and playing together, gently supporting our children in times of need. As these tasks become impossibly difficult, we push and struggle and wonder why we can’t make it work. We beat ourselves up, blame situations or people or our history or situation.

Hating Parenting

A group of friends has been discussing some painful realizations:

  • I don’t want to play with my children.
  • There’s nothing I want more than time away from the kids.
  • I’m angry that he doesn’t talk.
  • I hate that she’s not potty trained.

Astute parents try to shift out of these feelings by feeling gratitude for the things they do like about their children, situations and themselves. Gratitude is a lovely practice, but faking it isn’t gratitude. It becomes another should (I should be grateful for my children. Why aren’t I?) The idea that we should be grateful becomes another reason for guilt and sorrow.

Radical Acceptance

When you experience such feelings, acknowledge them and love yourself anyway.  Try some meridian tapping with phrases like those below. Modify the words so that they feel right. (If you don’t want to click the link, simply tap on your fingertips with the index finger of the other hand while saying the following.)

  • Even though I don’t want to play with my children, I can love myself anyway.
  • Even though I want to get away from my children, I am a good enough mother.
  • Even though I hate things about my child, I can consider forgiving myself.

Tap using those phrases for three rounds. Finish with a round of tapping “I have enough. I do enough. I am enough.”

The purpose of the tapping exercise is not to cheer up, but to love, accept and forgive yourself no matter what.

Keep Tapping

If you tapping on these phrases – or even just say them – you may be surprised one day to discover that you really do accept yourself as you are. Perhaps you will then be even more astonished that the ways and means for more satisfactory parenting and living show up for you.

Enoughness is the container of self-kindness. (Jennifer Louden)

Getting There

More quick ideas for reaching peace and acceptance:

1.       Join the Swan Mothers’ Circle and learn to Love Life with Atypical Children

2.       Soften your belly and breathe.

3.       Lay on the couch for five minutes. Put an eye pillow scented with lavender on your eyes.

4.       Have self-mercy and awareness in scared times.

5.       Go outside. Walk. Dig. Lay on the Earth.

6.       Gaze into the distance. Look up and out for a few minutes. See the big picture.

Several of the Getting There suggestions were inspired by Jennifer Louden’s words during an interview with Pace Smith. I highly recommend reading Jennifer Louden’s The Life Organizer: A Woman’s Guide to a Mindful Year and joining the Connection Revolution.

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Revealing Myself, Libra

Our bodies are made of stardust. The moon moves the waters of the world in an intricate pattern of rise and fall. The Earth’s angle toward and rotation around the sun dictate seasons for planting and reaping. Wise Women and Men have long recognized the influence of sun, stars, moon, and planets on life. For many of us, synchronizing projects, plans, and selves with celestial and terrestrial rhythms leads to increased enjoyment and productivity.

As part of my journey to embrace my Swan Mother Essence and to be my best self, I have joined the Magic and Wisdom Circle. During the cycle which begins when new moon in libra, our theme is self-love.

I decided to join the circle about a week ago. Though the circle was closed until the moon moved into libra this morning, self-love information began to show up for me as soon as my intention was set. Last week, I was reviewing an advance copy of Sasha Allenby‘s “Write an Evolutionary Self-Help Book.” In Chapter 3 – Your Life, Sasha writes:

Magical Mirror by Ironshod Digital Art / Drawings & Paintings / Fantasy©2009-2014 Ironshod via DeviantArt

Self-love is a term that is bandied about very flippantly in the self-help and transformation industries. Here, it is not a term that I am using lightly. If you did nothing else, other than commit to experiencing as much self-love as you have the capacity for in this given moment, and if you are committed to expanding that capacity in each moment, then all the other aspects of your life inventory will fall into place.

I wonder if you are willing to come on that kind of journey with me as we go through this book together? To put self-love at the heart of all you do?

Am I willing to put self-love at the heart of all I do? What a question! I turned off my Kindle and let the idea of self-love (putting it first being a leap I saved for another day), first.

Yesterday, YouTube suggested a video for me: Self Love – The Great Shortcut to Enlightenment by Teal Swan. Teal calls self-love the root from which everything grows.

By setting my intention, my journey to loving myself truly and deeply began. I am, in motion. As I appreciate all aspects of me and practice self-acceptance, I fill myself with a love and harmony so grand, they flow from me. And so it is.

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