Swan Mothers

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

I Wish I Knew

What brings you such joy
that you gleefully giggle?
What brings you distress,
and sad, anxious sighs?
I gaze in green eyes.
I yearn to uncover
the mysteries in you
answers to whys.

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

11/11 Gateway to Easier, Happier Mothering

11/11. The ones of today’s date seem to create gates.

  • Wouldn’t it be nice if we could step through a gateway to an easier, more joyful life with our children?
  • Wouldn’t it be nice if today were the day to take this step?
Whether your are reading this on November 11 or on a day with no elevens in the number at all, consider that today can be the day. Read on for some ideas for stepping into easier, happier living.

Reaching for “A Little Better”

Are you content with life? How do you see your children today? How do you feel?

Esther and Jerry Hicks created an Emotional Guidance Scale  that helps us move from feeling bad to feeling better about whatever we are experiencing.

In looking at the chart, most of us yearn to be at the top, in the purple zone. Even the blue and green areas look good. We want to feel hopeful and happy and to appreciate our children and our lives.  However, if we are currently in the gray or burgundy zones of guilt or grief or despair, the leap to joy seems inconceivable.

Instead of aiming for giant leaps, it is usually easiest and most productive to move through one gateway at a time. Sometimes, we simply step through. At other times, we must knock and a door will open. Once in a while, we need a battering ram.

Wouldn’t It Be Nice?

One way to move up a level its to find something — anything — that feels good about the current situation.
  • In the midst of a tantrum, consider finding something good. “My child is safe. I am staying calm and looking for a good way to handle this moment.”
  • When you child struggles to communicate, consider, “We have wonderful speech therapists. Look how she tries to show  me what she wants!”
  • As your child insists on the thousandth meal of the same food, think, “It is so easy to feed him. I know what he wants.”

Celebrate Success, Celebrate Yourself and Your Child

Every step is one that brings you closer to the Joy Zone. Anger and rage may not, by conventional standards, seem like a good thing. But anger and rage let you know that your do not feel powerless. You are moving closer to hopefulness and joy.

Tools for the Journey

Please browse the blog archives for tips for really easy ways to support you as you step through each level.
Consider exploring:

Next time you see 11:11 on the clock, take a deep breath and think of one thing that feels good about that moment. Every good feeling that you focus on will bring you closer to more experiences that feel good.

 

Leave a comment »

The Amazingness of Atypicalness in the Age of Half-Bloods, Wizards and Magical Creatures

All around the world, influenced by brilliant stories from gifted authors, children who thought they were different in a bad way are discovering that they are, in fact, different in a magnificent way.

  • Harry Potter thinks there is something wrong with him because his family forces him to live in the cupboard under the stairs.  Plus, he “makes things happen” and can talk to snakes.
  • Percy Jackson has profound ADHD and dyslexia.  He’s so “bad” that he has never been able to attend the same school two years in a row.
  • Elissa is being raised by an old woman as a servant in a castle and knows only that her mother is dead.  Yet, she is the daughter of a king and deeply connected to the Earth by her magical powers.
  • Aang is the last of his kind.  He is the only person left on the planet with the ability to bend air.

At the heart of every myth and legend lies a grain of truth.

Grain:  The smallest possible amount of anything, a small, hard seed – the essence, crux, heart, significance, or soul of the matter.

How do the stories of Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Elissa and Aang reflect what is going on with our real, uniquely magnificent children?

It is neither surprising nor coincidence that there so many hugely popular books and movies about magical children have been produced in the past two decades.  This is the same time span during which magical children began appearing on Earth in large numbers.

Many of today’s children are called indigo, crysal or rainbow, autistic, ADHD, atypical or neurodivergent. They probably arrived via quite-ordinary birth.  But those who are paying attention see clearly that there is something different about our children.  Some want to call the differentness disorder or disability. I call it magic.

Learning from the Magical Heroes

Each of the characters mentioned above must find his or her own way for the old ways no longer work.  The premises have changed.  Their perceptions of themselves have been turned upside down.

Harry must shift his perspective from the Muggle to the Magical World.  Percy has to embrace his god-nature.  Elissa, a humble girl who knew her own mind even if she did not always choose to speak it, embraces her mission and taps into powers she had not realized she possessed.  Aang, at only 11 years old, must restore balance in the world.

As our heroes become attuned to their powers, they realize that with great power comes great responsibility.  This can be a heavy burden for a child or teenager to carry.  Our heroes waver, err, and complain, but they stay true to their calling.

In each of the books of the Harry Potter series, the Percy Jackson Series, the Phoenix Rising Trilogy (Elissa’s story) and the Avatar:  The Last Airbender Saga (Aang’s story), it is not only the hero who is magical.  Friends and enemies have magical powers too.  Our heroes do not possess unique gifts.  They possess gifts that are available to many.

As we notice our children’s gifts and talents, it is useful to consider:

  • What are my gifts and talents?
  • What can I do differently than I have always done it until now?
  • Am I working from an obscured premise?

Parenting the Heroes

In many fictional accounts, the heroes’ parents are conveniently missing. Harry’s parents are dead.  Percy’s mother, fully human, is not allowed at Camp Halfblood and his father, a god, does not have time for his half-human children.  Elissa’s mother is dead and her father is missing.  Aang’s parents have been dead for almost a century.

For those of us parenting magical children, there is no hint in these books of what the children might need from us.  We are left with a bit of insight into the children, but with no new information on what is required of us.

You must get used to the fact that there are many things in magic which are not and never will be explained. God decided to do certain things in a certain way and why He did this is a secret known only to Him.”  (Paulo Coelho in Brida.)

Your Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It

“May your path be one of peace in times of peace, and of combat in times of combat.  Never confuse one with the other.”  (Paulo Coelho in Brida.)

Again and again we are presented the lesson that there is nothing to do but carry on, taking one step and one second at a time, learning what we can when we can, being willing to walk in the dark.  Without a roadmap or a manual, we learn to listen and watch our children and our hearts.  We figure out a way to make it through each day.

I love listening to podcasts. Here’s a good one about being your true self.

 

In Autistic Hermione Thoughts, autistic blogger Alyssa of Yes, That Too, writes about reading Hermione as an autistic person.

2 Comments »

Doing My Own Work

As I walked beside the lake one morning, a bunch of deer flies swarmed around me head.  At first, I swatted them away with reasonably good humor.  When they would not leave, I found myself increasingly agitated.  “It’s just a sound,” I reasoned with myself.  “Why is it annoying you so much?”  Yet annoy me it did.  Each buzz in my ear, every dart toward my head, pushed me closer to the edge.

There have been times when the sounds of my children have had a similar affect on me.  Their normal, child behavior rapidly changed me from a reasonable, sane woman to a crazy, raving one.

At my worst, I yelled at a newborn to stop crying, slapped a toddler who whined persistently, and snapped at young children for playing loudly.  It is humbling to look back.

These days, my parenting is much gentler.  You might think that this is because the children are older and it’s just easier.  But that is only a small part of the reason.

Mostly, it is because I have done a lot of work on myself.  After years of trying to make my children the way I thought they should be, I realized that they are just fine the way they are.  Even I am fine the way I am.  I simply need to make a few changes.

This, says Carl Rogers, is the curious paradox:  When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

Doing Our Own Work

As parents, we take our children’s behavior and appearance — their very being — personally.  When our children won’t eat the food we prepared or wear the clothes we’ve laid out, when they scream and kick in public and encounter difficulties in school, we assume that we should fix the situation.  We assume that we should fix our children.

In fact, our children do not need to be fixed.  They need to be seen, heard, understood, and loved.

But how do we see, listen, and console when we want to scream and shout?  One step at a time and not in the moment of our deepest despair, we change ourselves.

Learn new words to say.   I recommend reading How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen and Listen So Your Children Will Talk, over and over if necessary.  I read it many times.  This book is easy to read and offers many scripts for speaking to our children.

Step into your child’s shoes.  Take a minute to see the situation from your child’s point of view.  While you see a child who is not cooperating, what is your child’s experience?  Is she hungry or tired?  Do the seams on the socks bother him to an extent you cannot imagine?  Has the “nice” teacher spoken to her harshly and now she is afraid?

Look for the positive.  Mary Sheedy Kurchinka, in her book Raising Your Spirited Child,makes many suggestions for seeing challenging traits as assets.  Is your child stubborn, or persistent?  Oversensitive, or perceptive?  Bossy, or knows exactly what he wants?

Reconsider your foundational beliefs about yourself.  We all have limiting core beliefs.  They come from our early experiences, mostly those before age seven.   These limiting beliefs drive our thoughts and behaviors.  Fortunately, they can be changed effectively and, sometimes, quickly and easily, with techniques such as Matrix Reimprinting and EFT and other energy medicine modalities.

Tap.  EFT is very easy to learn and very effective for reducing stress in the moment.  Use EFT to honor yourself and your journey.  Click here to see the tapping points and demonstration.  Then, try tapping these phrases:

  • Even though this has been really exhausting, I’m a good mother and I’m doing enough.
  • Even though I haven’t done everything perfectly, I can love myself anyway.

I continue to work with practitioners regularly. For me, the support and guidance of a professional is essential in making major shifts.  Any work that I do on myself translates to treating my children better, and that’s a very good thing.

 

Leave a comment »

Ordinary Autism

I revel in the amazingness of human beings. I love the video clips and drawings and music that show that autism is really awesomism.

  • I cry each time I watch the YouTube video of Carly Fleischmann, typing “hurt” and “help” at age 11 when, until that moment, she had been presumed to be cognitively impaired and unaware of her surroundings. I love that, after refusing to type on demand for the television crew during an interview, she types “Is he cute?” when the reporter mentions that he has a son.
  • I love watching Clay Marzo surf and hearing his mother talk about how he is at home in the water, but struggles for air on land. Many of us could learn volumes from Clay’s authenticity and honesty.
  • I am blown away watching 13 year old Jake Barnett, a college sophomore and a math and science prodigy, who says autism is the key to his success. Knowing that a child that stopped speaking just before his second birthday is now an articulate, innovative researcher is amazing and inspirational. That Jake is writing a book to help the rest of us overcome our fear of math is another indicator of how cool he is.
  • I am in awe of Lyrica Mia, a non-verbal, autistic adult, who, together with her mother, Gayle Barley Lee, wrote , Awetizm:  A Hidden Key to Our Spiritual Magnificence. Lyrica has discovered/revealed that autistic beings have unique gifts and wisdom beyond this world and is leading the world is seeing these gifts.

The Spectrum

It is wonderful that the world is recognizing that autism is a spectrum. It is leading to the awareness that humanity is a spectrum: a distribution of energies, gifts, challenges, abilities, and goodness. Since I’ve noticed my children’s uniquely wonderful ways of being, I’ve realized that there is no such thing as normal or average. We are all Uniquely Magnificent.

My children don’t have skills or abilities that are television-worthy. Their needs are not particularly demanding. They simply, extraordinarily, amazingly, are the way they are.

There was a time when I would have asked: When will my child start typing or talking in full sentences? When will his gifts be revealed? When will he surf, play piano, write poetry, or solve complex equations? Why doesn’t he communicate with me telepathically(When will he say a few words? When will he learn to tie his shoes? When will he be able to eat comfortably?) I was envious of the Magnificent Autistic Beings that awe, inspire, and delight us.

The thing I finally understood is that there is no contest. There is no competition. In watching the video clips linked at the beginning of the post, I notice Magnificent Individuals fully and authentically being themselves. They do what they love. They are who they are. They derive their magnificence by tapping into and being themselves. And that, is available to me, and to us all.

Leave a comment »

TarotPugs

Tarot, Witchcraft and Pugs

Captain's Blog

News for the Collective Cosmic Journey

The WordPress.com Blog

The latest news on WordPress.com and the WordPress community.

THE MARSHALL REPORT

Exposing The Establishment Daily

Higher Density Blog

Love Is Always The Answer

Spiritual Nutrition: Clean and Pristine

Real Food, Real People, Real Living...

Nature's Magical Photography By Jaxs

Connecting with earth and the universe through photography

Rose Rambles...

What in the World is on Cynthia's mind? Love, Spirituality, free energy, abundance

Rebecca Wood

Discovering Ourselves through Parenting

L D Lewis

SFF Writer and Worldbuilder

The Lonely Author

Hoping to inspire the world one word at a time.

But I Smile Anyway...

Musings and memories, words and wisdom... of a working family woman

sibo-with-hope

A blog dedicated to maintaining hope while healing from SIBO

Tighten Your Query

Fewer words. Greater impact.

Living in The Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina- A Blog

Enjoy the Colorful Photographic Impressions created by Vann Helms

Writerdeeva

The Writings of Elizabeth Conte

Physicsmania

The best thing about physics is that it is always true either you believe or not

Crooked Bear Creek Organic Herbs

Since 2014, Crooked Bear Creek Organic Herbs Has Become The Forefront In Herbal Knowledge